Jaa, bums and thighs, I took my Malay O ' Levels Paper 1 and 2. It was ok lah ... could've been worse.
I osso got my record book yesterday. Was it good? Well, it depends on how you look at it. If you look at it marks-wise, each subject individually - um, no good. If you look at it aggregate-wise - hm, not so bad.
And we should always look at the positive side of things, right? So my results weren't too bad lah. Not too good either. What can I say? I lack drive. I'm immature enough to not care about my marks.
I'm baaaaaaad that way.
I also went to a field trip yesterday. And got thouroughly SOAKED on my way back. 'Cause a car driving past decided I needed a bath and showered me with brown puddle water. Like, from head to toe soaked. Can you blame me for swearing loudly? I think I alarmed the other bus-stop peeps. Sorry, I know I'm not being a good Madrasah model, and I wish I had said 'astaghfirullah' instead, but I think my act of swearing was kinda justified. You should've been there!
For some weird reason, I wasn't too pissed. Being wet through and through reminded me of the old days when we walked in the rain on our way home from school. True, being wet then was voluntary, and it was beautiful, clean (though Al-vehn would disagree) rainwater instead of some shitty brown water. But the situation was pretty similar. That calmed me down. Also the fact that, because I was standing at the frontmost part of the bus stop, the peeps standing beside me were mostly spared. Made me feel a little bit like a hero. =T
1:35 AM
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sixteen
BECOZZZZZ
The song is beautiful. And you know how I adore Switchfoot. They're brilliant.
Also. Because I've trying to get my idik sisters to listen. But do they?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
12:11 AM
Friday, May 23, 2008
Fifteen
It's a sunny yellow banana day
Do the cowgoat dance banana way
Shanana banana, come on and groove!
Do the yellow nana poo!
This may very well be the last post that I am typing out this year.
Not that I always post every day - heck, there are only 15 posts since the time when I first set this blog up 2 years ago - but pretend with me here.
The reason? My goofball sisters. I took their report books home from school today and my parents totally freaked. Well, more like my dad freaked, my mum just went along. They're always like that, this incredible duo act, where one is the good cop and one is the bad one. It's interesting really. I think it's the basis of all good, strong relationships - having this kind of balance and working with one another in order to fry and murder your children. But I'm digressing here. Where was I? Oh yeah.
So my parents were freaking out, which I don't really get because I didn't think it was all that bad, but our standards aren't the same (heck, my mum still insists I clean my pigsty of a room, and I STILL can't figure out what it is I'm supposed to clean). They basically told us that we can''t play the computer anymore because, really, we don't deserve it.
Normally I'd be raging about injustice and necessary evils (emphasis on 'evil' here) at this point, but I am inclined to agree with them. Firstly because we really don't deserve it; second, because further pursue of any argument would result in loss of books privileges and KL trips; and lastly, because the punishment is going to come sooner or later anyway - specifically, after Wednesday, when Loi and I receive our own report books. Of course, I'd rather have it later than sooner, but oh well. You get what you get (DUH, Ms Philosopher).
Adieu, suckers!!
6:18 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Fourteen
I'm feeling much much better and, I hope, much much wiser. Thanks you guys.
Here's a thinker for you:
If you fail to plan, Then you plan to fail. But if you planned to fail, Then how could you have failed to plan? And since you're plan was to fail and you do eventually fail in the end, Then doesn't that mean that you didn't fail to plan?
Ok! Moving on.
Went to the library again today. I realised that I unconsciously have certain criteria when it comes to picking out the books that I have:
(1) Preferably no faces on the cover of the book. I'm not quite sure why, but it turns me off. I think books with faces on their covers tend to have this certain style about them in terms of their plot and writing (With the exception of Jude). But that's just from my own experience.
(2) Books should have titles with proper spelling (such as Girl Power instead of Gurl Powerz!!). Books like Physik and Flyte are acceptable because the misspelling is intentional - the books are fantasy books, and that's how they spell Physic and Flight in their world.
(3) The words and the spaces between them and between lines can't be too cramped. I don't care how good the story is, books with writings like that doesn't quite give me that delicious reading sensation that one would aim for. Worst-case scenario, I get a headache.
(4) High-school plots are a BIG no-no. You know what I'm talking about: clique books like Gossip Girl, Seven Deadly Sins and The It Girl; or romance books that tend to have one of either two endings: either the not-good-looking guy/girl gets the extremely-hot-and-popular guy/girl whom he/she had had a crush on since kindergarten, or the main character goes after the extremely-hot-and-popular guy/girl but in the end realises that her soul mate is actually her best friend whom she hadn't noticed all this while. Uhuh. Like I haven't heard THAT one before.
(5) All the above mentioned criteria can be ignored IF the book is written by a credible author, and by that I mean an author whose book I've read before and loved. In that case, abandon all hesitation and go for it.
And if I fail to find a satisfying book, I borrow one that I've read before in the not-too-recent past. Like I said, you can't go wrong with books that you've already read. Also, I tend to forget for the most part what happens in the book, so now I get to change that.
I have left the library very satisfied today. Smiles all around! =)
++++SPOILER+++++ ** RAMBLINGS UP AHEAD **
Found out during recess today that David C won AI. Usually I don't give a damn, but this time it really bothers me because I can't get it out of my head that David A should have won. Even when people told me who the winner was, I couldn't believe them. Even NOW, now that i know that they were all saying the truth and that David C really did win, a part of me still can't believe it. It's like someone telling me that they discovered that the sun is actually a planet - I'm sure they're right and I'm sure it's the truth, but a part of me will still be insisting "But the sun is a star". I've always had this mental image that David A is the winner, and nothing anyone says can really change that. Which I find disturbing, because I'm not even a huge fan, so why should I care?
I still haven't watched the results show. I can't bring myself to, probably because seeing it with my own eyes would make the results final and real and irreversible.
Lily is crying as I speak.
God, help me, I sound like a freak.
God, help Lily, cos she IS a freak.
Speaking of God, just returned this great great book 'The Cure'. Not sure by who, heh heh. But it's really good. I wish the ending was a bit different, again because I had this mental image of what the ending should be like, but never mind. The ending was still good in it's own right. The book is about the future and how religion and all those who follow it has been eradicated. Check it out, peeps.
Right, Malay class from 8 to 1 tomorrow! Woohoo! (Of course 1 pm, you dumbo! Abeh, ape, sampai kul 1 pagi?? Tolol!)
I saw Su bending down to hear Zahira better as she ushers the latter to the toilet. I watched with churning emotions as Dinah headed to Mas and they walked off together, Mas listening and Dinah clearly talking in distress. I looked down and walked off past them - past a lot of people - but no one bothered to say goodbye.
I am a lot of things. Muslimah, daughter, sister, friend, student. People praise me lots of times, often incorrectly: clever, funny, creative, a fast-reader and, once, cute. But I am no one's confidante. And I have never been described as kind, or good-hearted, or understanding.
True, no one has said I'm mean or harsh or cold-hearted. But still.
There must be a reason why no one confides in me, why no one looks for me in times of need. Do I babble secrets to others? I don't think so. Maybe it's just circumstance. Maybe it just so happens that they already have other people to confide in, so I'm left with no one, like the girl in PE who has no parter because everyone else is already paired off. I think the most probable reason is because I myself don't make an effort to be a confidante (to have a friend, you have to first be a friend, right?), and even when I do, they're already taken. Is it luck? Or a result?
I guess if I'm to describe my feelings at that moment, as I walked off and left school alone - if I'm to describe my feelings in one word, it'd be .... sad. Kinda lonely-like. Made worst by the fact that there is no one to assign fault to beside circumstance, or luck, or chance, whichever you prefer. Perhaps the blame is one me and me alone. I certainly can't share the blame between me and my friends, because if I do, then there would be two people to forgive. And if I can't forgive myself, how the hell am I supposed to forgive them?
It bothered me that my prescence was not truly, I mean truly truly-truly, needed. Walking home alone had never felt so lonely in my life. It's one thing to be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely (that's happened often enough). It's another to feel lonely and be literally, alone.
The thought of not being a confidante still bothers me, but I'm not feeling as down as I was this evening - thankfully, I am typing all this down and still feeling okay. I'm gonna post this and see what happens. I may be embarrassed by this whole emo episode by tomorrow, but we'll see. If I do feel embarrassed, I'm taking this down but not out (nananana). This is something worth recalling.
I'm cool. 'Cos I got the cures for the blues.
Cures for the Blues (not in any order, and not stating the obvious such as Quraan and family. Like, DUH)
1. Psych 2. Spongebob 3. Foxtrot 4. Ellen 5. Jason Mraz
1:44 AM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Twelve
We're off to see the somethingsomething, On the road we go! We're off to see the somethingsomething, They're smart, they're fun, they know!
Anybody knows who the HELL this somethingsomething is?!? It's from a kid's show from eons ago. It's been driving me crazy! I can't rest till I know what the name of the show is. I tried Google-ing the lyrics of the theme song, but no such luck. I got hits on things like Wizard of Oz and, weirdly, Sex and The City. Whatever. Mas, Mus and Lily insist that it's 'Jigglybeans', but I don't know, it doesn't sound right. I mean, it doesn't ring a bell to me and make me go 'aaahh, yes, that sounds familiar!'. And I have to listen to my guts, right? (Nina and Mona says it's 'Jigglypuff'. EEKK (<-- wrong buzzing sound). Definitely wrong. THIS is a Jigglypuff, guys.)
I HAVE to know if I'm right. Call me or e-mail me if you know, kay? KAY?!?
On another note, I'm happy to declare that I no longer have annoying, PMS-like moods. Sunday and Monday (today, or so far of it anyway) was good for me. The computer screen has been fixed, the room neatened (sorta), and though my ulcer has not decreased in size in the least, it's hurting less. I'm glad. I don't think I can take anymore pissy days.
I'm reading 'Jude' by Kate Morgenroth (I think). It's great! I've read it before but I borrowed it again yesterday, just for the heck of it. I think I'll buy it when I next go to KL with the family. Mama says it's a silly habit to buy books that you've already read, but that's just me. Why waste money on a book that you don't know whether it's good or not, right? What if it's bad? Then it'd be such a waste of money.
Welp, that's about it. I feel good today and feel like ending this post on a good note. It must be the holiday spirit. Happy Vesak Day!
11:23 PM
Friday, May 16, 2008
Eleven
For those of you who know me well enough, you'd know that I make it a habit of mine to fast every Monday and Thursday. It gives me pahala, plus trains me to be patient. Supposedly. I must report that, sadly, the fastings that I have done all these months have not trained me in the patience department whatsoever. I had a pissy evening yesterday and I'm starting to have a sucky morning today. My mum wants me to clean up the room, but I have NO IDEA what to clean as it seems to me as if there's nothing to clean. Clearly, my mother begs to differ. Also, my ulcers have not shrunk one bit. I'd know - I measure them everyday. Ulcers have never truly bothered me before - I don't know what to do. Zahira suggested I put baking soda on them; Mastari recommended salt. I've decided against both, for fear that my lips would dissolve and I would die in excruciating pain.
ALSO. This computer is going BONKERS, and I seriously believes that it wants to bring me down with it. The computer screen has been switching itself on and off every 10 seconds or so. It's insane!!
Things hardly get to me. I'm hardly stressed or perturbed by anything because nothing much concerns me. But all this! Little annoyances, one after the other, non-stop! I want to cry. I can't do this anymore, I can't TAKE IT!
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN VIEW MY OWN BLOG???? WHY - THE - HELL -NOT???
4:23 PM
Ten
Just about came home from going out to Changi Airport with Mona, Fiq, Mun, Mas, Fatanah and Insyirah (cute). I had a great time with them and really enjoyed celebrating the end of the MYEs with them, but right now I'm not feeling too good.
The moment Mona and I came home she started having one of those childish fights that she always has with Nina, which predictably ended in punches and crying. Lily comes home and was rude. The second book that I borrowed from the library has been talking about the same thing over and over for the past 30 pages. The room is a dreadful pig sty. This computer is horribly slow, despite the fact that my account is supposed to be the fastest one of all (I think it's starting to get slow because, ironically, people have always been using my account because it's fast). The family safety web blocker that my father had installed is getting on my nerves (get this: it wouldn't let me search for 'welcome to the black parade', but so long as I get rid of the 'welcome to' and just type 'the black parade', all is doodly dandy and I can go on with my search). Also, Kak Han is coming in around half-an-hour to pick up her camera batteries which she had accidentally left behind. I'm supposed to go down and hand them over to her, but I'm in no mood to do so because I feel terrible and grumpy and lazy. Then I feel guilty because it's not her fault that things are going bad, and she's always been a great sister to me so I should do this favour for her sincerely. Which makes me feel even more terrible for being a lame-brained sister. Add all THAT to the fact that no one has sent me any emails these past few days, that there is no airbatu for me in the fridge, that my ten dollars is suspiciously missing, and that the ulcer on my bottom lip has undergone little improvement, despite the fact that I have applied to Bonjela to it at least 4 times this morning.
PISSY
On the bright side: the two other ulcers on my tongues have disappeared. That's about it.
Oh, and the 'largest font' of blogger.com isn't large enough.
I need to watch Psych. Desperately. Like, NOW.
1:22 AM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Nine
"OWWWWWWW!!!!!!"
That's how I celebrate my final day of examinations - yelling my head off in excruciating pain, because every time I gabble at high speeds, accidentally punch myself at the jaw (don't laugh, it happened - TWICE), or when I'm stuffing my mouth full with delicious sotong, I accidentally bite this infernal ulcer I have at the inside of my bottom lip. Painful. As if having two ulcers at the top and bottom of my tongue isn't hard enough. This must be a sign. Maybe I talk too much?
....... NAAHHHHH.
These have been by far the weirdest examinations that I have ever had to go through, though it's not really the teachers or the papers so much as it is me. I have never been this lazy, and that's really saying something, because I'm usually pretty lazy. But this one really takes the cake. Maybe lazy isn't the right word: the correct word would be 'unprepared'. Usually I begin revising within two or three months before exams - this year it is a record ONE.
One week, that is.
I know! Crazy, right? And this is supposed to be the most important educational year of our young lives. But, I don't know, things just ended up this way. I've had so much to do and so much to study for that the beginning of the examinations just sneaked up on me. Though that's not truly a valid excuse (many were way more prepared than I am despite receiving the same amount of workload), it's really the best and only explanation that I can give. This mid-year examinations has really been a case of 'Wing it or Sink it' kinda thing for me.
But still, it's too late to do anything about it now. It's done, whether I like it (I do like it) or not (I really like it). I have approximately one week to fully enjoy myself and milk out whatever fun I can get from it before I get my report card and receive the sentence that I so rightfully deserve. But until then...
Went to Geylang East Library with Zahira after school. It's a tradition: I always celebrate freedom with books. We couldn't help giggling and smiling as we entered. The place looked different than I remembered it to be: the places seemed cosier, the colours warmer. It maybe the red carpeting, or the new orange lighting, but I'd like to think that it's really just me.
Looking through the shelves for books to jump out at me, I felt a new feeling jump through me, one that I have never, EVER experienced in the presence of books : fear. All of sudden, I felt lost. I have been away from the library, everything looked so strange and foreign to me. It was as if I had lost that special connection and familiarity that I had had with the written world all these years. Before, I could cruise through the shelves and skim the books on it with ease; now, I stand stock still, trying in panic to remember the names of my favourite authors.
Do I sound insane, to have felt so frantic? I felt insane, at that time. I had to take a deep breath and walk around slowly, trying to regain that sense of comfort and recognition. Then slowly, things started coming back to me. Books that I have read before jump out at me; I start to remember. In less than 5 minutes I have around 8 books in my arms.
I guess it's like getting back on a bicycle after not having cycled on it for such a long time. It's a little shaky at first, but soon you get back on track. It's true what they say: you never forget.
