Arkaan

One Hundred and Last

2010-03-11T01:21:00.000-08:00

Alright. I'm ready.

To the new blog we go!

One Hundred and Fifteen

2010-03-08T01:23:00.000-08:00

Right now, Kak Han is listening and singing along to old Malay songs that we used to know. Yes, I still remember the lyrics. After all these years. My God.

Last month, for my birthday, I thought of posting all my past birthday posts, starting from 2005,when I first started posting. Reading them all back, though, I immediately changed my mind. They're horrible! I keep cracking jokes which aren't funny. The problems which I thought were problems weren't that serious. Plus, my paragraphing was terrible, not to mention my sentence structures. I didn't have the guts to show them to the rest of the world (again). No deserves that kind of cruelty - well, no one I know, anyhow.

Still, it was nice to read. I had so much less to do back then. I wouldn't want to go back to the past, because I love where I am now, and I'm looking forward to the present. But reading about my childhood and realising that I'm never going to go through that kind of life again makes me realise that I'm never going to go through this life again, so I'd better start enjoying it while I can. I don't want to grow up to be the kind of person who's forgotten what it's like to be young. Then again, I don't want to be the kind of person who just pines for her youth, either.

Onward!

A Hundred and Fourteen

2010-03-05T19:08:00.001-08:00

Ok, people, I'm moving!

Technically, I'm just changing the blog address. It's idioteaque.blogspot.com. I'm going to make it private, but only for a while, because I want to know how many people are actually reading this blog. So, do invite yourself. All invitations will be accepted, rest assured. Like I said: I just want to know if the number of readers I have can be counted on one hand, or two.

I'm giving myself a week. Then it's official.
No more jiganibaboo.

Hahahah. So drama.

a hundred and thirteen

2010-03-04T01:01:00.000-08:00

I got invited by my friends today to join InterMad in the track-and-field. I am, of course, sorely tempted. But to be honest, I don't think I should. I'm juggling so much already. I'd love to join them and run once in a while, but I don't think I can add practice and tournament to my long-enough list of things that I have to do. I deserve a little time reserved just for myself.

Interesting thing: I was walking home today when I was suddenly hit by the realisation that I could die at any moment. Like, really die. I know we're all aware of our mortality, and believe that we should 'live life to the fullest'. But I don't think we truly, truly get it. Well, I know I didn't, until this evening. I suddenly felt very very vulnerable. I don't know about other people, but sudden morbid thoughts freak me out.

I have this belief you see: everything that God gives, he gives in balance. If He gives you something really good, something bad will soon come along. And if you just got something really bad, then good things will be sent your way soon after. Whatever we're having now, we'll quickly get the opposite. I suspect that it's His way of keeping us all in perspective, and on our toes. He giveth, and He taketh awayeth, right?

So, recently I've been feeling really alive. It's why I feel like doing more new things, and walking and running more. All the stress that I've been facing the last few months just made me more aware of things in general. Now I feel like I can accomplish anything; now I feel like I'm ready to take on anything anyone throws at me. Like I said: I feel really really alive. Which, if you will recall my previous belief, worries me. Because as far as I know, there's only one opposite to being alive.

He giveth, and He taketh awayeth.

All the way home I found myself looking out more things that could kill me.
Do you realise that there are so many ways we can die?
I don't know what to do with myself.

a hundred and twelve

2010-03-02T01:25:00.000-08:00

If I could have my own way, I'd cycle to school everyday.

I don't think people know this, but I like to plan. For anything, really. Plan what I'm going to do for the day, for the week, the month. Plan what I'm going to draw, plan what blogskin I'm going to do next, plan an event. I like the idea of having a schedule (I wonder what that says about me). I may not write it all down, and I may not have a proper journal or calendar book, but I definetly plan everything I want to do inside my head. A little chaos in control, that way.

I also like to walk around a lot. I try to go up and down the stairs in school whenever I can, and avoid using the lift. Some people think I do it to lose weight or get fit, but really I just like the excercise. I think it's because I used to be so active as a kid. I can't run around as much anymore, so I walk. I like that ache you get in your legs at the end. It reminds me that my legs have been used the way it's supposed to, that I'm fulfilling its purpose. It's a nice feeling. I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else.

I also like the smell of the wet market.
Yeah, I don't suppose that one makes sense to you, either.

a hundred and eleven

2010-02-26T17:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, people!

I'm gonna be changing my blog address soon. I'm not quite done with the new version yet, but it's coming.
I think I'm ready for a little change.

January was exhausting and frustrating. February was tiring, too, but less so. I think February was a little better. I say was, because I'm ready for March, too. Let's just get all the necessary dirty work done and over with.

I've had to do a lot, both as a student and as a prefect. I know it's not as much work as other people's, but it's still a little more than I'm used to, and it's sometimes quite a struggle. But I feel smarter for it, and stronger, if not a little jaded as well. Hah, I don't trust the authorities anymore.

Yesterday I've had Maulid. Today and tomorrow, I have camp. I don't know why I keep signing up for things. I just do. I know I'm probably gonna end up tired, and I'm probably gonna suffer a little for it, but again: I just want to try something new.

One thing I'm definitely not signing up for, though, is Bahas 4PM. I don't care how much they beg, this is the one thing they can't make me do. I hate it when they say, "But you can do it, Dee, we know you can!" Um, I think I know myself better than you do, thank you very much. You can push me around, but even I have my limits. And I draw the line at speaking in proper Malay in public. Take that!

A Hundred and Ten

2010-02-16T02:15:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or has Criminal Minds gotten creepier?
I need ice-cream.

PS: Hotch is too kewl for skewl.

A Hundred and Nine

2010-02-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying my holidays very much, thank you. Especially Saturday, which was for me, because I didn't really get to celebrate my birthday on Wednesday. Postponed, you might say. Or you might not, whatever. It's your life, you're welcome to go ahead and do as you please.

Sunday was for my family. Today is for a friend. Tomorrow is the deep breath before the plunge, because Wednesday is school again. That's okay, though, because I'm recharging now. It's all I ever needed, really. I've been going and going and going for the whole month of January. I can actually feel myself slowing down in my work. I can't think or do things as fast or as much as I could. So now I'm letting myself rest. I think I deserve a little bit of time just for myself.

Right now I'm just cruising around the net before I go out. I tried to attempt (yes) the Facebook IQ test, but I got intimidated by the ticking clock at the top. Seram!

One Hundred and Eight

2010-02-12T15:43:00.000-08:00

Whenever someone sends me a request to be her (or, weirdly, his) friend on Facebook, I always feel sorry for her, because I know I won't add her. Not because I don't like that person, but because I just don't use Facebook anymore. Poor saps.

A Hundred and Seven

2010-02-08T01:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I wish I was a bimbo.
Their life goals are so easy, so simple.
They never seem to worry about the big things.

But I'd hate myself if I stopped thinking about the big things.
Which is why I hate bimbos.
So when I catch myself wanting to be blissfully ignorant, I sharply pray the other way.

A Hundred and Six

2010-02-07T03:20:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day! You lucky chum!

Let us have another
RANDOMATTACK!

This one time, I overheard (overheard! not eavesdrop! it wasn't my fault!) a snippet of conversation on the bus.

Girl: Once, at school, while I was on Level Two, I squirted water from my bottle to the people on Level One. Then I hid before they could see me. *chuckles* I'm bad, aren't I?

Oh, yes miss, indeedy.
Honestly. Even I know that's lame, and I'm square.

Here was my schedule:

Friday

3:00 - 4:00 : CCA
6:00 - 7:00 : Leave for GPac
7:30 - 9:30 : GPac

Saturday

8:00 - 5:00 : Seminar
7:00 - 11:00: Grandmother's place

Sunday

8:00 - 5:00 : Seminar

It's all rewarding, and I've no regrets about doing all this stuff, but I feel like my weekend's been taken away from me. =(
No matter! Next Saturday, I go out for my birthday. =)

A Hundred and Five

2010-02-07T03:07:00.000-08:00

"Do not go gentle into that good night;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Rage, rage. Not 'fight', or 'go against', but rage. I'd never have thought of that. That's bloody gorgeous, that is.

A Hundred and Four

2010-02-01T00:18:00.000-08:00

So Marinah has been bugging me to read her novel-in-progress, entitled 'It's My Life (Right?)'. I've been turning the kind offer down because, frankly, I don't go well with self-advertisers ("Hi, kettle? This the pot calling. You're black!"). But I finally I went along with her request, for the same reason why I go along with my teachers' requests: I just wanted her to quit it and shut up.

Three things bothered me about her story:

(1) The main character, "I", is 13 years old. Marinah is 10. What kind of kid writes herself as a teenager? When I was a kid, and wrote my own stories, I always made the heroes as old as I was, because I always thought the age I was at was the coolest.

(2) The story is about her going to the prom, and she worries about not having a date. What. The. Heck. At one point she wrote something like: "But I think Jason is going to ask me out, because he keeps staring at me." At this point, I'm thoroughly spooked.

(3) Jason ends up dumping her for another girl, but she doesn't care, because she ended up winning the 'Most Beautiful' award that night.

O_O

By the time I finished, I was really worried. "Why are you writing a story about proms and boyfriends?" I asked her.

Marinah answered defensively, "Well, Kak Lily reads those kinds of books!"

I wanted to strangle Lily. When I was her age, I clearly remember writing a story about me and my Pokemon farm. "Why don't you write a story about adventures and heroes? You know, like, faeries and dragons and pirates and stuff."

She goggles at me. "Why would I want to write a story about pirates?"

Oh dear God no.

A Hundred and Three

2010-01-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

It's the weekends!
I'm so relieved, I could weep.

A Hundred and Twot

2010-01-28T01:38:00.000-08:00

For my birthday (10 Feb, people, write it down), all I really want is a great day. This is my idea of a great day:

First, we wake up for Subuh. After praying, we get dressed and go out to Pasir Ris Park; and by we I mean me and my family. If it's just us sisters we're gonna walk there; if my parents will come along, we'll go by car. We'll rent bikes and just cycle around for about, 2 hours, during which time we'll talk and laugh and (nina will) scream. It would be nice if I could put on my headphones for a while, too.

Afterwards, we'll all probably be famished, so we'll go to White Sands and get breakfast. Then we set off for home. At home, we rest and bathe and stuff, all the while watching Spongebob Squarepants - the kind of episodes that we've already watched, but only for a couple of times.

At around 1 or 2, we go off to a mall. I'm not gonna buy anything, I just want to walk around and pretend I can afford to buy all the stuff that I want. We could also rent a movie, go to the library, and play at the arcade for a while.

Then we all go home, everybody grabs a snack and we all watch a movie together until bedtime.

The End.

I don't think it's that hard, really.

However!

Just in case it can't come to fruit, I wrote up a list of things I'd like to have:

* Another Switchfoot album (or a couple more. or all of them)

* A bike (because cycling is easier than driving. or skating)

* A radio (the big fat kind where you pop in a CD and it blasts away!)

* A cat (Yes indeedy)

* A paint set (So I can unleash my mad skillz)

* A Gameboy (with the old pokemon, not the fake s*** they have these days)

* A kazoo (i mean, seriously, who wouldn't want one?)

Sabrina is NOT Sabrina! (cause sabrina means patience and sabrina doesn't patience, gedditgeddit?)

A Hundred and One

2010-01-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

These days, I don't feel content just sitting around doing nothing. Well, that's not really true. I still do. I just feel better when I have something to do with my hands. I love having a project to do. But not the school kind. The I'm-doing-it-'cause-I-want-to-and-I-can kind (all those dashes are terribly bothersome). If I don't have anything to do, I get bored. The way I'm bored right now. I'm literally swinging my legs from boredom, though I admit, the swinging is a rather thrilling sensation.

I think I'm going to stitch up another little bag, but a pouch this time.

RANDOMATTACK!

Sometimes, when I type on the keyboard, I pretend I'm a piano maestro.

I want a bike and a cat and a laptop and world peace.

I sometimes feel like strangling Kak Hannah when she sleeps on our bed's blanket, which means that I don't get my fair share, and I can't pull it off from under her, cause her dreams weigh her down. Bloody heavy.

I get a thrill when somebody recognises Switchfoot. Not so thrilled when said person goes on to ask, "Didn't they disband, like, two years ago?"

When I go out, I hope people look at me and think I'm free-spirited. Or at least a little weird, but in an intriguing way.

I don't really give a damn whether the kids at school wear ankle socks or eat sweets in class, to be honest.

I know Lover, You Should've Come Over has sappy lyrics, but Jeff Buckley sings it so amazingly I made an exception.

I went through the 5 stages of grief. Now I've accepted that friends really do come and go.

Ninety-Nine

2010-01-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

First week of school. Over.
I'm exhausted.

It's the being a prefect thing.
Being a prefect isn't really a tiring gig, unless you're a Pre-U student. Especially a Pre-U 2 student. Not only do we have to keep an eye out for students, we also have to organize a lot of things: events, competitions, briefings. It involves a lot of meetings, proposals, chasing after students, chasing after teachers. There's always something that needs to be done, and always something that gets in your way that requires a massive leap of effort and patience.

I don't think people appreciate or understand what we do. I sure never did. People just don't know the effort and energy that we put into what we do. We always try so hard, despite the many limitations that we have. It always bums me, then, when people say that the events that we have organized or the ideas that we have come up with are boring or unnecessary or just plain blah. We give it our all, and for some people it's never enough. I mean, it's easy for them to say, right? What do they know? I'd like to see them doing what we do, and still say the same things they used to say at the end of the day.

But it has its rewards, of course. I do enjoy the organizing and planning and discussing: it's fun. And I've definitely learnt a lot of important things. So it's good, too.

But, people. A little thanks, please. Just a little. It would totally make my day.

Well, in any case, I'm glad the weekends are here. Time to recharge with family, coffee, music and cartoons.

Ninety-Eight

2009-12-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

If You're out there (and I know You are),
If You can hear me (and I know You can),

Please
Give me

the Strength
to accept the things
I cannot change

the Courage
to change the things
that I can

and

the Wisdom
to know
the difference.

I think,
together,
You and me,

we're Unstoppable.

So I'm in if You are.

Ninety - Seven

2009-12-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

It's inevitable. We already bought stationary, new shoes, new bags. I've already gone to meetings discussing and planning what to do for the whole stretch of next year; I've gone to group studies; I've started on my 2010 book. It's inevitable.

School's starting.

A part of me is peeved, of course. But a tiny part of me misses the note-taking, the revising, the sitting in class. I dare not say it outloud, though. I don't miss it that much.

I wish they would have school at home. I mean, I love doing work and keeping myself occupied. I'm just too lazy to actually get up and get ready and get out. Pajamas all day long, I say!

Anyway. I guess you can't enjoy the holidays without first enduring school. You know, no light without the dark kind of thing.

Ok! So I'll see you around, um, June next year. So much to do, so little time.

(BTW, I just realised that I don't have a post 'Ninety'. I just skipped it and went straight to Ninety-One. Wadda.)

some nina time, oyeahhhh :DDDD

2009-12-30T01:01:00.001-08:00

HAI GUYSIES HOWS YOU?

we're going to dinner. at bistro. at courts.

i want meat. but i dont want to eat too much yknow?

ok.

i am so running out of ideas.

kthxbai.

Ninety-Five

2009-12-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Instructions: Write down a list of your top 30 favourite artists in no particular order. Then answer away!

Q: What do you like about 12?
A: (James Morrison) His deliciously searing voice. I think he may have one of the nicest male vocals out there.

Q: What is your favorite lyric by 20?
A: (Carrie Underwood) Umm I don't really listen to her because of amazing lyrics. In fact, I only know two songs that are originally hers - the rest are covers. So I'll pick a cover: 'Charity is a coat you wear twice a year'.

Q: Which song by 8 describes you the best?
A: (Queen) I think... 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Because that song starts off as sad and slow, then blows into this crazy goodness. And I'd like to think that I'm sad, and crazy, but good.

Q: Which song by 26 would you play on your wedding?
A: (John Legend) 'Save Room'. I think that's nice. And the most fitting out of all his songs I know. Which is only like, 3.

Q: If you had to listen to one song by 2 everyday for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A: (Coldplay). 'Yellow'. My favourite love song.

Q: Which song by 30 makes you want to dance?
A: (Greenday) 'Holiday'. Hahah not really a dance song, but it makes me want to jump and clap. And that's pretty much the only kind of dancing I'll do.

Q: If you could have written one song by 15, which song would it be?
A: (Nerina Pallot) Ooh, lovely songwriter. I wish I could say 'Everybody's Going to War', but there's a part about God in it which I would never say, so 'Sophia'.

Q: Which song by 22 do you like the least?
A: (Kelly Clarkson) 'My Life Would Suck Without You', or something like that. I don't get that song.

Q: If you had to sing one song by 17 on stage, which would it be?
A: (KT Tunstall) Hahahah it's so hard to pull off her songs. Umm 'Other Side of the World'.

Q: Which song by 5 would you sing to your child one day?
A: (Regina Spektor) 'Laughing With'. It's about how people laugh at God and makes joke about Him, but when they're in trouble, they desperately start praying.

Q: If someone knowing a song by 11 impresses you, what song would that be?
A: (Death Cab for Cutie) 'Little Bribes', because that's not one of their popular ones. But, really, any song will impress me quite a little.

Q: Which song by 3 do you listen to when you're sad?
A: (Jason Mraz) 'Mr. Curiousity', which is full of mysterious lyrics. Jason Mraz just sounds down in it.

Q: Which song by 24 inspires you?
A: (Adele) Ummmmmmm 'Chasing Pavements'. I think it would be inspiring if I were in that situation, but I'm not. Maybe someday.

Q: Which song by 10 would make a good start to your day?
A: (Demi Lovato) That girl has a wicked voice! 'Trainwreck' would give me that oomph.

Q: Which song by 28 would you sing along to in the bathroom?
A: (Rascal Flatts) 'God Bless the Broken Road', which I have sung in the bathroom, actually. So my answer is 100% legit.

Q: Which song by 18 would you like to dedicate to someone?
A: (The Script) They're mostly love songs! So 'We Cry', because it's not one. It's about broken dreams in a broken world.

Q: Which song by 13 would you listen to when angry?
A: (Keane) 'Is It Any Wonder', which is a bitter bitter song. Perfect!

Q: Which song by 16 would you listen to continuously for an hour?
A: (Five for Fighting) Aiyoo, one hour ah? 'Superman'.

Q: Which song by 6 do you think is underrated?
A: (The Fray) 'Over My Head'. I don't think people fully realise the beauty of the lyrics and the real meaning behind it.

Q: Which song by 23 would you play in the car?
A: (Lenka) Right now, I'm liking 'Trouble is a Friend'.

Q: Which song by 1 moves you the most?
A: (Switchfoot) What song doesn't? =D 'The Blues': 'It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in'.

Q: Which song by 29 would lull you to sleep?
A: (Christine Aguilera) I had to check with google to spell her last name, hahah. 'The Voice Within'.

Q: Which song by 21 would you recommend to others?
A: (David Cook) 'Permanent'.

Q: Which song by 4 would you like to direct the music video?
A: (My Chemical Romance) I don't know if I can capture their style, but I would pick 'Teenagers'. Their video clip for that was a little weird. And I'm a teenager, after all.

Q: Which song by 9 would your parents approve of?
A: (Rachael Yamagata) 'Elephants'. Her songs are pretty soft and docile, so I don't think they'd have objections. Don't know if they'll like it, though.

Q: Which song by 25 would you like to be dedicated to you?
A: (Dashboard Confessional) "Carry This Picture'. It's quite sweet.

Q: Which song by 19 would you like to do a cover of?
A: (Travis) 'Closer'. But it would be a terrible cover.

Q: Which song by 14 would you want to play on a romantic date?
A: (Michael Buble) 'Come Fly With Me', because it's romantic but fun.

Q: Which song by 27 would you want to be played at your funeral?
A: (OneRepublic) Hahahahaha 'Apologise'?? 'It's too late to apologise...' I don't know, I only have a handful of their songs.

Q: Which song by 4 do you feel lucky to have found?
A: (John Mayer) 'Gravity'. I've had it in my handphone for 3 years now. It's evergreen.

Ninety-Four

2009-12-22T05:07:00.000-08:00

It's hard to know when to give up the fight. Some things you want will just never be right.

Ninety-Three

2009-12-20T22:53:00.000-08:00

New skin again. I actually made a new one yesterday, but I didn't put it on because it just didn't feel like me (i'm tempted to put in some joke that uses the word 'boomz', but honestly, that thing is alrealdy so old. it annoys, rather.) So I decided to make a different one today. It's about the only thing that happily preoccupies me on the computer, really. That, and scouring the internet for new songs.

I love finding new songs. Whenever I find one that I really really like, I always feel like 'wow. how come i've never heard this before?'. I'd marvel at how amazing it is, and how it's been existing all this while without my realizing it. It makes me think, 'the things i don't know'.

Yes, I admit it: I take music very seriously. I think we all should. Music is an extension of our souls, right? It transcends barriers. For me, when I enjoy or fall in love with a song, I love it completely - not just the voice of the person or the beat of the song, but the lyrics and sound of it too. This is why it's so hard for me to delete songs - because there will always be something about it that I really love. I can't be singing along to one song one day and then chucking it the next.

This is also why I'm not into mainstream songs. I can't really connect with them. They can be nice on the ear, sometimes, but that's about it. I don't feel anything, which is very very important, because that's what music should do to you. In fact, I'm actually kind of disappointed (and by that I really mean 'kinda sorta pissed') that people I know listen to what I feel is not so good (deep deep in my heart I mean 'crap', but I want to be open-minded) music on the radio. Especially people close to me, like my sisters. I wish they knew what was out there! Still, my sister tells me that my taste in music is boring, so I understand and I accept - to each his own.

Ninety-Three

2009-12-20T03:01:00.000-08:00

I had just about the best Malaysia trip this week, because I made such amazing buys. Seriously. I've never spent this much before - usually I'm the one who's left with the most amount of money on the last day, but this time I only had about 7 RM while Nina, by comparison, had 150 RM. Yeah. But it was so worth my money.

My two favourite buys are:

(1) The Godfather novel by Mario Puzo, for an awesome 35 RM. So ridiculous. I've been meaning to read it for a long while now, but the libraries here strangely don't have it. I actually didn't have enough money to buy this book, but I managed to convice Kak Han and my parents to 'donate a small amount of money to contribute to my literary education'. Score.

I spent all of last night reading it. My eyes had gone itchy from tiredness, but I just had to finish it. I watched the movie today. It was as good as the novel, like LOTR.

(2)
I know!! I had to have it! I hesitated at first, but really, that was just procedure. My heart was already set and my mind made up. No regrets.

Now I'm spending just lolling around with the family: listening to music, playing the computer, playing games, watching TV. I feel at peace. I think I might go to the bathroom and cry the day school reopens.

Ninety-Two

2009-12-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

K, Nina. Updated, like you asked for.

HAHAH IM A CHEETAH (cheater, geddit? geddit?)

SHAH!

Ninety-One

2009-12-12T22:51:00.000-08:00

You guys! It's tomorrow!! (One of) The highlight(s) of our year.

The day before is usually the worst, because the anticipation kills, but I have to say that I'm having a very good day today. Great, in fact. It's days like these that you are thankful for God-sends like cable and comics. They take your mind off things and pass the time amazingly quick. I just borrowed 2 more Calvin and Hobbes comics (which is actually not only funny, but also at times intellectual, intelligent and philosophical), and I just watched this awesome documentary series 'Battles B.C'. Fun.

I still haven't packed my bag yet. I like to leave that till the end of the day, because then your excitement really builds up, and when you're done, all that's left to do is sleep the night away so that when you wake up, it's finally The Day. A-woooooo-hoo! For now, though, I'll satisfy myself with just making lists. Lists are fun.

This is what it feels like when everything just falls into place. I don't what I did to deserve all this, but I feel like everytime I hope for something, it happens.

Headphones.
Zoo.
Pulau Ubin.
My own hand-made tote bag.
Cable TV.
Super shoes (I don't know what they're really called).
Revamping my playlist.
New Switchfoot songs.
Arbaya.
And yesterday: a bag for my headphones, that I've been wanting for a while.
And tomorrow: Malaysia.

It's not like I work for these things to happen. More often than not, they're just opportunities that unfolded infront of me, ready for the taking. They just, happen. I mean, like, whaaaaat?

Right. See you guys on Saturday.
I am in for a treat. A tur-reeeet.

Eighty-Nine

2009-12-10T18:14:00.000-08:00

I did it! I've revamped my playlist! Win!

And guess what?
Tomorrow's Saturday,
And then it's Sunday,
And then it's Monday!

And Monday is Malaysia!

Eighty-Eight

2009-12-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Eighty-Seven

2009-12-09T16:24:00.001-08:00

The first thing I did this morning, after the obligatory butt-scratching and eye-rubbing, was mop the house. I'm not kidding. Well, I am, a little, if you want to be all technical and be an ass about it (and I mean ass in the sweetest of ways). I had just walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa when, lo and behold, me mother suddenly appeared with a mop and bucket.

"Today I'm going to teach you how to mop." She announced it like I had won the lottery, which of course I had, because I had never mopped the house before. On hindsight, what my mum said was kinda cute, but not at that time. I didn't say a single word the whole time, just looked at her and followed her instructions, but she didn't make anything of it. I guess she understood. I mean, come on! I hadn't even had my breakfast yet!

But I didn't complain, for two reasons (this is a tip, kids, write this down). First: because you shouldn't. Not only is it rude and marks you as a lazy person, it pisses people off. And you don't want to piss my mum off. Second: acceptance of chores marks you as an obedient child, and this will enable you to reap much rewards. People are happy when you do the things they tell you to do, so they're easier and nicer on you. I knew this, which was why I even did the dishes without being told after mopping. You know, bonus points. And now, what am I doing? Sitting in front of the computer, drinking a tall glass of iced milo and eating a delicious plate of eggs with mushrooms and buttered prawns. Technically, Lily's supposed to play before me, but even she couldn't argue that I deserve it more. See? See? Just. Rewards. God is Just.

Gosh, Malaysia is coming up veh veh fast. Tomorrow's the deadline that I had set for myself for revamping the playlist. I have to do it tomorrow. I've been looking forward to this day for a long while, but looking back at the songs that I'm going to delete makes me reluctant. I'm going to miss them. I told Sabrina about it, because she regularly updates her songs. Like, really: I'd give her a song one day, and she'd delete it the next. She had no trouble, so I wanted some of that sage wisdom. Her advice?

"DON"T BE AN IDIOT. They're just songs. In fact...delete them all!!!"
"Delete them all?!" WTH??
"Yah!!" She gets excited for no apparent reason. Bloodlust.
"What about the Switchfoot ones?!" I have 32 of their songs. It's a collection full of hard labour.
"Ahh, JUST DELETE!!" (She really yelled. She does that a lot.)

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
- Anatole France

Eighty-Six

2009-12-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

So we had a huge dinner at Breeks last night, celebrating my parents' 24th wedding anniversary. It was great fun. I had this huge plate of pasta, which was not only very very good but also, like I said, huge, which is actually quite rare for a plate of pasta. For me, anyway. I've never had a plate with a satisfactory amount of pasta 'till last night. Then I had a couple of bites off of Nina's chicken; and then we had this HUMONGOUS bowl of ice cream appropriately called MASSIVE ATTACK. I am not exaggerating. I think they should have given us a trough instead; it was hard to eat from a bowl with 6 other people clamoring to do the same. Needless to say, I got plenty of ice cream running down my scarf by the end of the night. Needless to say, but I said it anyway. I never understood why people used that phrase.

Naturally, being sugar-high, and the area around Breeks being wide and empty, my sisters and I proceeded to run and jump around like beautiful maniacs. It gave us stomach-aches. Awesome.

PS: Nina asks me to inform you guys that she was the one who fervently cleaned our table in the restaurant, regardless of the fact that there were waiters around who could do the jobs themselves, and regardless of the fact that it left a gigantic wad of tissue wads on the table, which was disgusting.

Next event: Malaysia Trip!
We can start counting down now!

Eighty-Five

2009-12-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Your Top 10 Personality Traits (http://www.signalpatterns.com)

1. Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.

You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.

2. Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.

You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

3. Curious

You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.

You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.

4. Innovative

You come up with a lot of ideas; if one doesn't work out, there's always another waiting in the wings. You often have interesting solutions to difficult problems. You're practically a one-person brainstorming session.

You are less interested changing the world than in dealing with things as they are. Unlike those who spend all their time trying to solve problems, you prefer to zero in on things that work and stick with them.

5. Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.

You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

6. Intellectual

You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.

You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.

7. Organized

You like to think a task through before you embark on it. If it's the slightest bit complicated, you make a list (even if it's only in your mind) and methodically work your way through it. When you have a goal in mind, you're not satisfied until you reach it.

You are not one of those people who ignore the details, and you don't understand how anyone can get anything accomplished without thoughtful planning ahead of time.

8. Creative

You are good at solving problems, coming up with original ideas, and seeing connections between things, connections that most other people miss. People with a high score on the "creative" trait often are employed in such fields as finance and scientific research, and enjoy avant garde and classical music as well as literary fiction and scholarly non-fiction.

You do not shun abstractions and concepts in favor of the concrete and tangible.

9. Accessible

You're comfortable expressing yourself in words and actions, with no self-censorship. You believe that if someone doesn't like what they see it's not your problem, but theirs. A high score on the "accessible" trait suggests that you have a lot of friends, socialize often, and enjoy rap/hip-hop music (NOOZZZ).

You don't see the need to keep your thoughts to yourself, or to have a zone of privacy that encompasses only yourself and a small circle of friends and relatives.

10. Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Mmm. I love a good personality test. I wonder if that makes me narcissistic.

Eighty-Four

2009-12-05T02:37:00.001-08:00

What you basically do in Ubin, every year without fail, is go cycling, play badminton, eat lots of barbecued food, and mix and mingle. That's it. Every year, for about 7 hours, that's all we do. And yet it never gets old. It's tradition now - I love it.

Eighty-Three

2009-12-03T18:27:00.001-08:00

I'm on a mission!

It's my latest project. I'm rediscovering my type of music. It's like a playlist spring-clean: I'm sweeping out all the old boring songs, keeping the precious ones, and bringing in the new. Because music is a part of a person's soul and identity, and I want the songs that I have to really reflect the kind of person I am. That, and the fact that finding new songs that you like is always fun. It's like a breath of fresh air.

So far I'm trying out popular alternative rock bands, like Radiohead, U2, Dashboard Confessional and Death Cab for Cutie. Radiohead is okay; U2, despite being legendary and are the idols of Switchfoot, I don't really get; and Dashboard Confessional is pretty good. But Death Cab for Cutie is a revelation for me. I've hit the jackpot; I really really like what I'm hearing so far. I'm thrilled.

Eighty-Two

2009-12-02T16:40:00.000-08:00

So!

Good news: we got cable! Yeah, cable! The last time we had that was when I was, like, 5. It came yesterday for our viewing pleasure - it's got us all psyched.

The bad part? My younger sisters are hogging the remote. They're all out there in the living room watching channels like E!, MTV, and style, which I think defeats the whole purpose of getting cable, because the reason any sane person would get it in the first place is so that you can watch the things that you ordinarily can't. So instead of watching awesome documentaries or great cartoons, they're watching music videos, gossip news and make-overs, which is stupid, because that's what they watch when they're not switching on TV anyway. If they're on the computer, they watch music videos and read gossip blogs. If they're not reading high school drama books, they're reading tabloid magazines. So stupid. The injustice of it all.

Gosh. I need some support!

Eighty-One

2009-11-30T18:49:00.001-08:00

Watching Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine do interviews together makes me think weird thoughts.
Thoughts like: "Huh. They'd make a cute couple."

Whoa.

Eighty

2009-11-29T19:33:00.001-08:00

This is amazing. Zoo on Saturday. Roller-blading on Sunday. I'm actually crossing off things on my To Do List. What an amazing weekend I had with an amazing family. Next week: Pulau Ubin. I'm so darned lucky!

Seventy-Nine

2009-11-26T23:53:00.000-08:00

I think I expect too much of people, and I think I expect too little. I want people to be great, because they can, but I know that they won't be, because they don't try. Ultimately, nobody impresses me, and now I've become cynical, and judgemental. I can't bother to spend time with anybody who isn't my family anymore. Let's not kid ourselves with wishful thinking - friends come and go. And I'm sorry, but trying to hold on to something that is only barely there is just so tiring.

Seventy-Eight

2009-11-25T16:32:00.000-08:00

These are the days of the open hand
They will not be the last
Look around now
These are the days of the beggars and the choosers

This is the year of the hungry man
Whose place is in the past
Hand in hand with ignorance
And legitimate excuses

The rich declare themselves poor
And most of us are not sure
If we have too much
But we'll take our chances
Because God has stopped keeping score

I guess somewhere along the way
He must have let us all out to play
Turned his back and all God's children
Crept out the back door

And it's hard to love
There's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of

And the wounded skies above
Say it's much too late
Well, maybe we should all be praying for time

This is the year of the empty hand
Oh, you hold on to what you can
And charity is a coat you wear twice a year

These are the days of the guilty man
Your television takes a stand
And you find that what was over there is over here

So you scream from behind your door
Say: what's mine is mine and not yours
I may have too much,
But I'll take my chances
Because God has stopped keeping score

And you cling to the things they sold you
Did you cover your eyes when they told you
That He can't come back
Because He has no children to come back for

It's hard to love
When there's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of

And the wounded skies above
Say it's much, much too late
Maybe we should all be praying for time

Seventy-Seven

2009-11-22T02:35:00.000-08:00

It's official - the holidays have officially started. I highly doubt that I would have to go back to school, and even if I had to, there's no way they'll be able to reach me, because there's no way I'm going to pick up their calls or read their messages. It's much safer this way. If a message is sent and no one reads it, does it make a sound? Hahah I have no idea what I'm saying. I can't twist the phrase my way, so that a-way it stays.

First two days of the official holidays have been very rewarding. Mucho funno. So far there has been no idling around, no rotting away in front of the computer, no gaining weight because I keep going to the kitchen to eat because I have nothing else to do. Nope, none of that at all. Instead, I've been going out a lot, and what time I have at home I have spent doing mainly two things: watching movies and making my own tote bag (!).

First: the watching movies part. So far I've watched three: the pretty-good The Illusionist, the not-so-bad Ant Bully, and the awesome Star Trek. I've also spent the last couple of days watching Criminal Minds. They're so awesome. The main reasons why I love Star Trek and Criminal Minds are: (1) Hotch and Spock are hot; (2) The plot and action are very very good; and (3) Spock and Hotch are smexy. Hahahah. Ma, Ba, if you are reading this, please don't freak. I'm just kidding. Kind of.

Second: the making my own tote bag part (!). It's so awesome. Me and Kak Han bought cotton fabric (Kak Han says it's not cotton, it's canvas, but to be honest, I don't quite believe her), thread, needles, fabric markers and all that jazz to make our own tote bags. I'm not quite finished with it yet, but it's almost finished. I'm halfway through stitching in my last strap. It's not work of art - in fact, it looks downright crude - but I think it looks pretty good, if only because I made it myself and am therefore biased. But I don't care. It's my silent ode and tribute to my favourite band, and I love it.

This is why I love to draw and make my own blogskins. I love seeing the images in my head actually become reality. It's so gratifying.

PS: You know who else is hot and smexy? Paul Bettany. And Bumblebee. Wooh!

Seventy-Six

2009-11-18T21:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Gurmit Singh, and the Rest of the Human Race, but especially you, Mr. Gurmit Singh, because you are on national TV:

The word 'dude' is not pronounced as 'diy-yood', which rhymes with 'feud'. It is pronounced as 'dood', which rhymes with 'food'. I'm sorry to be picky, but a girl can only tolerate so much. Which, in my case, actually isn't much at all. Hahah. Sorry, in a not-really-sorry kind of way.

Seventy - Five

2009-11-18T03:11:00.000-08:00

On the insistance of my dear sister Sabrina, I am here to inform my non-existent readers that I killed two cockroaches in school today with the aid of a stick, a tupperware which some poor soul left behind, and a large tile; and with no help from Sabrina whatsoever (no, Sabrina, screaming does not count). Sabrina also 'found' a 'third cockroach', which we proceeded to stalk, only to discover that it was just a leaf on the ground. Thus ends our pest-busting.

Seventy-Four

2009-11-16T20:31:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for school to end. Like, really end. I want to go out so bad. I miss walking out in the sun and the wind. I want to go to the park, and the zoo, and the museums. I want to say that everytime I leave those places, I leave a little piece of myself there. But that's so emo. =)

Right now, I'm reading Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. It's lovely. It's just a great book to read, because the language Mr.Dickens uses is so - I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It's not quite beautiful, or poetic. It's just, right. Like, this is how books should really sound like, you know? This is how people should really write English. It's just so impressive. The bookworm in me gets thrills reading it.

"The young lady, aged seventeen, was in the lovely bloom and spring-time of womanhood; at that age, when, if ever angels be for God's good purposes enthroned in mortal forms, they may be, without impiety, supposed to abide in such as hers."

Waahhh. Much cooler than the usual, "She looked like an angel", right?

He also has a wicked sense of humor. Dry wit and sarcasm all around.

"The doctor seemed especially troubled by the fact of the robbery having been unexpected, and attempted in the night-time; as if it were the established custom of gentlemen in the housebreaking way to transact business at noon, and to make an appointment, by post, a day or two previous."

LAWL.

Seventy-Three

2009-11-14T03:30:00.000-08:00

The wedding was amazing. It was beautiful, and I loved every minute of it. It was absolute fun. I'm too tired to say much more, really. Pictures will be up in FB or Mulitply sooner or later, anyway, and we all know that a picture says a thousand words, which is much more than I could ever say, so I'm going to let the pictures do the talking this time.

Sidenote:
I don't bother answering silly questions, so don't bother asking them.

Two Examples of Silly Questions in SMS

Example One:

Me: "Monday ade Maulid Rasul."
Reply: "Maulid rasul?"

Example Two:

Me: "School is out from Tuesday to Thursday."
Reply: "Oh, ok. Then what about Wednesday?"

I don't reply to these kinds of messages.

Seventy-Two

2009-11-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

I feel tired. Again.
I went home with two huge books in my arms and 5 more in my bag.
It reminded me of Ed from The Messenger, walking home with a large pile of books in his arms.
"I never knew words could be so heavy," he said.

I'm just going to read and slip into sleep now.

PS: Tomorrow's my cousins's wedding. I'm so excited!

Seventy-One

2009-11-11T22:44:00.000-08:00

Ooh, I feel so tired.

I actually had to spend the whole day in school doing essays. Teacher's orders. Très muet. Kak Han was telling me yesterday that the teachers should give us stuff to do during these actually pointless weeks of school because we would otherwise be doing but play around and do Ainn's word-search books. Well, your wish was granted, Kak, I hope you're happy!

Anyway, I left school tired, and I'm not the kindest of people when I'm tired. Heck, I'm not the kindest of people when I'm not tired. Everything just started getting on my nerves. Like, more so than usual.

Marinah spent forever borrowing her books, even though I only gave her 10 minutes.
The lady in the bus wouldn't move in from her seat.
And this nyonya kept pressing the lift button 'cause it wasn't coming down.

I almost went berserk.

I especially hate the last one. I hate it. It's so stupid. Pressing it incessantly isn't going to make the lift come any faster, is it? Secousse. If she was a kid, I'd have told her off.

But I didn't, because first of all, she's an old lady, and I'm not that rude. Second of all, I'm not that kind of person. If I don't like something, I usually clamp down and retreat into a moody silence. Snap at people. I'd rather swing my fists than hurl abuses, truth be told. Man, the things I actually say to people inside my head when I'm pissed. You'd be surprised.

I've been losing a lot of faith in the human race.
Which is why I like to watch Animal Planet.

I dreamt that I had a pet lemur and a pet spider monkey.
I woke up really sad.
I really want pet monkeys.

Seventy

2009-11-10T00:09:00.001-08:00

Today.
It's Sesame Street's 40th anniversary.
And, more importantly,
Switchfoot's new album is out.

Hello Hurricane.
I'm grinning from ear to ear.
I'm actually giggling.
I'm ectastic.

Sixty-Nine

2009-11-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

"Why do you think you didn't get high marks? Why did you all make mistakes?"
A teacher, giving us back our papers.

"I don't know. You tell us."
Me.

As my friends and sisters will attest, I have little tolerance for silly questions. Gee, maybe it's because we didn't know we were making mistakes? If we knew, we w0uldn't have bloody well done them, would we?

And they keep comparing us to the Azharians. I know that they are more hardworking and polite and they tend to get better marks, but there's a certain way of doing things, innit? You know, 'correction does much, but encouragement does more', and all that. I mean, compare us if you want, but shouldn't you, I don't know, encourage us to do better instead of just leaving it like that? All it does is put us down.

We didn't stay long in class to play today. No one was in the mood.
And to make things better, we're getting back our Maths and GP papers tomorrow. And we all know those two are my strongest subjects.
Whoop de woo.
(That's sarcasm, people)

All this negative thoughts are, of course, not helping my happy aura, so what better to remedy it with than 'Dancing Queen', by Abba? Having the time of your life, ooooohh. I wish I was a Dancing Queen. I wish I could dance. =(

Sixty-Eight

2009-11-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with much heaviness.
Back to school.
Even though I had only been away for three days, I already miss waking up at 6. As opposed to waking up at 5.

But I don't regret it. I'm really really glad I went to school. Only one teacher came into class to return a paper, and she was only in for about 15 minutes. In any other class, the day would have thus passed slowly, painstakingly. But it didn't. Because if there's anything my class knows, it's how to have fun. Lots of fun.

We actually spent most of the day playing games, and I don't mean just the plain, a-b-c, tic-tac-toe kind of games. We actually played catching, chicken and fox, concentration, cat and mouse, r-o-c-k, say-macaroni. We were screaming and laughing our head off. It was awesome. Awesome.

I haven't run around like that for so long (outside home, haha). I miss running. I miss playing like a kid, when it's just you, your friends and the wind, and you don't give a damn about the messy, messy world you're in.

Sometimes, some of my classmates piss me off. Most of the time though, they're a barrel of laughter. And people can say whatever they want to say about them, but they're some of the best kinds of friends to have. They're loving, honest, and fiercely loyal. They won't say they miss you, and then piss off and forget about you.

Sixty-Seven

2009-11-04T15:19:00.000-08:00

It's the holidays!

IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!

IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!

About time, if you ask me. I've been so tired these past few weeks. I take less subjects for the As then I did for the Os, but that doesn't mean that I get to study less. Each subject has 2 papers, and each paper can have up to 4 books each. Yep, quite heavy. It doesn't help that they're all in Malay.

We only had to do one paper each day during the exams, but that was heavy too. We had three hours to write 5 essays, each averaging 3 pages long - which I still don't think is enough. Do you have any idea how tiring that is? Very. It's just writing and writing and writing, hurriedly, without pause or break. I literally had to stop every once in awhile to take a deep, noisy breath before diving back to work. I hardly had any time to read through most of my papers and check my work. The most I could do was just make sure I wrote down all the numbers and stuff. Plus, my handwriting was hardly legible.

I feel sorry for the teachers marking my papers.
Good luck to them.
At least I get a holiday and a three-day holiday.

Speaking of which: yup! I'm on a threey-day break from school. Marking days for the teachers. So far I've done all the obligatory rituals required for end-of-exam celebrations: playing the computer, borrowing library books, getting a frappe, start drawing, listening to music for hours. It's been great. Starting to get bored, as we all inevitably do when the holidays begin, but it's still great.

The creeping boredom doesn't worry me though. I still feel upbeat. There are a lot of things to look forward to these holidays, so many indescribably awesome things to look forward to:

* My cousin's wedding
* Trip to Pulau Ubin
* Trip to Malaysia
* Rollerblading
* Trip to museums
* Trip to zoo

And much, much more! Hahahah.

The details haven't been fully confirmed yet, it's all still up in the air, but they're definitely happening. The only thing that can stop me would be His Divine Intervention, but if He's cool with it, then I'm certainly going to do them all.

Sixty-Six

2009-07-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I ask myself,
Why do I even bother?
Why do I bother when in the end, I get punished along; when in the end, I still end up getting yelled at or blamed; when in the end, I end up without thanks, anyway?
Why bother?

But when something bad happens,
And I feel scared, nervous, or helpless;
When I wing a prayer to Him and He actually answers, 'Yes',
I remember.
And I remind myself,
'That's why I bother'.

Sixty-Five

2009-07-10T00:35:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to Zahira! Hooray!

Today was a good day. I've been a pissy for a few days before this, because it's that special time of the month again! You know, hormones, PMS, and all that jazz, even though technically you can't blame it on PMS, because it stands for PRE-menstrual syndrome, which means that you're supposed to get pissy before your time of the month, but whatever. Technicality. Point of this pointless paragraph is: I have been pissy.

But I'm in a very very good mood right now. I think this is also because of the hormones: it just makes you more emotional althogether, so if you're mad you're very mad (and I was, honestly, I scared myself), but if you're happy you're very very happy. Like I am now. Which is why I bought myself a Cornetto just now. I figure, what the heck? I'm not asking for much, just an ice cream. I think I deserve to ask for that much.

The truth is, I'm really happy because firstly, it's the end of the week. No school for two more days! I think that's plenty of cause for celebration. And second, it's Kak Han's birthday in two days, which is bound to be fun. Birthdays always are. We'll probably eat out somewhere nice, and then go shopping in Bugis. Nice.

Smileys all around!
=)

Sixty-Four

2009-07-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update bite here.

* Things are going fine, as per usual.
* Finally had the opportunity to chat with Mus, whom I have not spoken to in AGES.
* I'm getting back into drawing again.
* Roald Dahl is a genius writer.
* Still in love with Switchfoot.
* Class seats rearranged again.
* I have a Maths class next week.

Aaaaaand that's all I can squeeze in in about 3 minutes, cause my time is up.
Bye.

Sixty-Three

2009-07-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

Q: How was the first week of school?
A: Fine.

I mean, school is school, you know? I survived. It wasn't bad.

Some changes, though. Daily temperature taking, for one thing. I always get like, 38++ degrees during the afternoon. I was worried the first day when I got 38.1. Shouldn't I be sent home?, I asked (hopefully).

"Tak, 38.2 baru kene balik."
What the buck.
(No, I don't mean to swear, it's the name of this youtube show. It's funny.)

Also, no assembly for the first three days. I really really like that - there's so little fuss - but it ended on Thursday. Oh well. Easy come, easy go.

I also found it really hard to wake up in the mornings these days, which is weird, because I'm usually the first to wake up, and the quickest. These days, I try to sleep in a few minutes more. I think it's because of the holidays - I've gotten so used to sleeping in and waking up at like, 9. Sigh. Good times, good times.

The highlight of the week would have been, of course, yesterday's Youth Day celebration. We had it at Masjid Sultan's auditorium, which was nice and big, but seeing as to how I'm in Pre-U, I had to sit waaaaaaaaaay at the back. Nice.

But it was really fun. I loved the little skit that some of the teachers did - it was hilarious! They were acting as students, showing us how we sometimes misbehave in class. Teacher Sarah kept sleeping in class; Ustazah Mahmudah was the goody-goody who wanted to ask all the questions and then answer them; Ustazah Shikin would ask permission to drink every once in a while. They'd pass notes, talk amongst themselves, the works. It drove Ustazah Majidah (the teacher of the class) crazy, and she kept trying to talk to the class while Ustazah Supijah went, "Ustazah, intahal waqt". It was funny, seeing how they intrepeted us. I don't think that we're that chaotic, but we get the hint.

Despite all that, I am down on my knees thanking God that Monday is a holiday. No school! More sleeping in!

I know this one girl in this other class, though, who was quarantined till Thursday because she was in Indonesia after the 22nd. Which means that she stayed at home till Thursday, came on Friday and got to celebrate Youth Day, then get to stay at home again on Monday. Lucky old bird.

Sixty-Two

2009-06-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

For those of you who's been wondering what the HECK has been going on with me these days, here's a quick rundown:

Nothing much.

HAHA TAKE THAT SUCKAZ!!

Yeah, ok, just kidding. I'm sorry. Please still read my blog.

It's June now, but it won't be for long. It ends in a couple of a days, and with its demise comes the revival of the school season. I'm devastated. No, seriously. I'm not just giving some whiny, lazy complaint about the fact that the holidays are over and how I'm not looking forward to it at all... Well, ok, so I am, but hear me out. Here's the deal: never before has my heart been so heavy at the thought of going back. I mean, before, I would have some glimmer of happiness and excitement at seeing my friends and (some of) my teachers again. I might have even been slightly enthusiastic about studying (some of the topics). But this time? Zip. Nada. Nothing. Naught. Zilch. Blank. I could go on and on and copy more words from the thesaurus to show you just how devoid of anticipation for school I am, but you get the idea, and frankly, I've got better things to do than rattle on. Even more frankly, I'm lying. I don't have anything to do.

I don't know why. It's quiet saddening. Apparently, I have nothing at school to pull me in, except for the promise of a ticket to a University. It's not that I don't have a good time at school, it's just that I don't have a great time. And trust you me, there is a big difference.

There's two things I miss the most about school: the science and geography subjects (heck, I just miss reading an English textbook) and my friends. Duh my friends. There's just a sense of history with these people, you know? They're family. They know who you are, who you're not, and who you want to be (HAHAH total lyric rip-off); and you know that they have your back no matter what. I mean, just this previous class reunion proves that. None of us truly changed. We talk aout different things now, and we've all gone different places, but we still click as always. I miss that.

Dear God, I hope I'm not the only one still clinging to the class this way. I don't want to be one of these people who just can't seem to get a grip and move on. I think part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is because I'm still in Maarif - it makes the loss harder, and fresher.

Don't worry too much about me, though. I'm cool. I just needed to write this all down.
Yeah, ok, enough. On to brighter things!

These are the things that have made me very happy recently:

1) Friends. How come I never watched Friends? They're hilarious! I spent half of the holidays watching episodes of the show with Kak Han, and the other half watching them on my own. My favourite's Chandler, but I love them all. Good show, good times.

2) Superficial? Maybe, but I'm very happy I got my 'Ceci est un IT BAG' bag. Yeah, it's just a chiplak one, totally fake, cos me about s$17 when the original one is s$100++, but still. I really really like it, cos it looks cool, and it's big, so I can stuff stuff. I like this bag.

3) Playing game demos - again, with Kak Han. Currently playing Airport Mania. Yeah, not very hard core, but I don't care. It's fun.

4) The rearranging of the two rooms! My old bedroom has been converted to a bedroom for all 5 of us, and Kak Han's bedroom is now the study room, also built for 5. Sharing one room together is AWESOME fun, and if there's one thing I'm looking forward to next month, it's the idea of us sisters studying together in a proper learning environment (chewah). Here's hoping it works out. *thumbs up*

5) The KL trip, and the class reunion. I think those are the two events that really stood out for me this month and make me thank God fervently.

6) Staying up late. If you don't understand this, then you don't understand me at all and shouldn't be reading this blog. Not that you'd want to, now that you know I usually have a bedtime of a 9-year-old. If you don't understand what I just said, no need to leave the blog, just continue. I tend to say things nobody gets. That's okay. People still like me. I think.

I think these 6 things are enough to balance out the gloomier introduction of this post. I feel better already! I'm off to bop to Switchfoot now. Have a good one, my children.

Sixty - One

2009-05-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

11 May '09

Nobody loves goody-two shoes.

After all, they're so rigid, and boring, and mundane. They're always following rules, following them no matter what, and are always spending their time doing things like finishing their homework and revising their studies instead of doing really FUN stuff. The worst part is when they feel the need to correct other people who aren't as rigid as them. I mean, it's not as if it's their responsibility to right what they think is wrong, right?

Right?

Everyone knows that, these days, it's much cooler being bad. It's awesome of you to diss your teachers, break the rules and have a heck-care attitude about the world in general. People would admire you then, because what you do is so brave.

I never realised that doing the things that you want to, and not the things that you have to, required so much courage.

*****

This year is most probably the craziest year of my life. I say most probably because, as we all well know by now, nothing in life is absolute. I have a lot of my life left to live (I pray), so you can never be sure. For all I know, there would be many other crazy years yet to come. Still, this year would definitely be up there on the Mad Years list. And it's only been 5 months!

By crazy, I don't mean bad, or stressful, I just mean crazy. Like, a whole riot of openers. It's opened my eyes, and it's opened my mind. Well, okay, maybe that sounds a teensy but drastic and dramatic, but I am definitely learning something new everyday.

Not that it's made me more mature or intelligent. On the contrary, it's made me feel rather small and, well, kinda stupid. It's never truly hit me how plain and safe my life was until now. Everyday something happens that makes me think, "Wow. Really?"

Now, when I say my life used to safe, I don't mean that it's not safe anymore. Please don't picture me dying my hair and shooting up drugs with my classmates or anything, you drama mamas. Although, I must say that I wouldn't mind dying my hair. These days, I've been craving to dye my hair white. Don't ask me why. It's probably from watching three X-Men movies with Storm in them. Her white hair looks so cool. I imagine that, on me though, it will look incredibly freaky.

But I'm getting out of point here, which is that, honestly, I am still as innocent and blurr as ever. It's just that now I see a lot more and hear a lot more, which, to be honest, is tiring. You can only handle so many riots. At some point, you're going to need a break from all the surprises and just fall back into simple, ordinary routine.

Which is why I am celebrating - it's the end of the exams! This, of course, means that the following paragraph would be about me rejoicing the fact that I am now able to do all the things that I was previously no able to do, such as reading, playing the computer, staying up late, yada yada yada. I've said it, you all have heard it, so let's skip this part and just know that I am very, very happy.

A little solitude is good for the soul.

Sixty

2009-04-11T01:57:00.001-07:00

This may just be one of the most trickiest posts that I've ever had to write.

First of all, I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say or talk about. I search my mind for ideas, the only thing that comes to me is school. I mean, that's how it's always been. I've always talked about school, because that's what my life mainly revolved around. And, still, revolves around. Yet the people who I am writing to, now, assuming that they are still reading and have been reading my blog in the first place, are no longer in school with me. Anything I say or write or talk about is probably no longer relevant, or interesting, to them. I think to myself that there is surely something in my life and our friendship beyond school - but what? What do I say? If I were to meet up with my friends right now I'm sure we would still click and talk as easily as always, but it's different when you're blogging. Blogging isn't a conversation, it's the telling of a story. And frankly, I have no stories to tell.

Except maybe one.

Have I changed?

Deep in my heart I sense that the answer is no. Deep down I feel like I'm the same Diyanah that I was last year. But am I really? This year has been a whole set of new things for me - of course I'd change. How can I not? It's perfectly logical, and normal. I haven't totalled flipped into this new, unrecognisable Dee. I've just changed a little.

And yet.
I don't like that idea.
I don't like the thought of me, changing, even if it is just a little.
Why should I change?

Then again,
Why shouldn't I?

Fifty-Nine

2009-02-15T01:02:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody!

Since school has started I have not been able to switch on the computer to do fun stuff, but now that I finally have the opportunity, I figure I might as well blog, especially since there was enormous feedback from my readers begging me to update. Yeah, I know, you don't really believe that. I wouldn't, either. Actually, only 2 people asked me to blog, but since I have a total number of about 3 readers, I figured that majority wins.

Hmm well, what can I say? School is still school. Things are a little different now that I'm prefect, but to be honest, I have yet to do anything of importance. Which is a relief. There hasn't been too many assignments or homeworks yet, surprisingly - it's mostly just doing a lot of your own research and reading. I'm having a kind of love-hate relationship with school right now. Sometimes I feel at home in class, enjoying my classmates' company and the lessons; at other times, I find myself feeling tired, bored, and itching for the week to end. It's an ongoing internal battle which I really hope I'll get over soon, seeing as to how I'm going to be doing 2 more years of this, and I don't think I'll be able to stand always being torn in two.

Yesterday was good fun. Saturday was a fresh break from school, but yesterday's Saturday was especially special because we (finally) had our class reunion. I do wish more people were able to make it, but I had fun all the same. It was so nice to be able to see everyone again. I don't know when we'll ever get to meet up like this again - I doubt it'll be any time soon - but I don't think this is our 'last' time together, because our 'last' times are always followed by more meetings and dates and reunions. Like I said, though, I figure it'll be a long long time before we meet up again (I'm trying to think of another word besides 'again', but am failing). Poly season will be starting soon, so I don't foresee setting up a date to be an easy task. Setting up a date before Poly season began was hard enough already.

Unfortunately, I had to leave early because I had arranged another date with someone else (cehceh). It was actually really sad, saying goodbye to them again (for lack of better word) - I thought that, after the first 'last' meeting, I'd be over it already. Clearly, my friends knew how to wheedle out some sadness from me, those evil little girls. I was the first to leave.

I met up with Kak Han (yup, just boring old Kak Han)(nah, just kidding, Kak Han, you're not boring. Just weird)(haha kidding again. kinda)(k k kidding kidding. a little). We went shopping at Bugis Street, bought a couple of outfits, then dropped by McCafe to grab some Double Chocolate Frappe. Productivity at its best.

Saw a lot of cuddling couples on the way.
If you ask me, Valentine's Day is quite scary.

Fifty-Eight

2009-01-23T15:38:00.001-08:00

Hello everybody!

As far as first-week-of-schools go, I'm having a really really great time. All my life I've encountered luck after luck, and now I find that it has yet to leave me. I think it's because some of the girls have been going to school since the beginning of the year, so they're already comfortable with everything. They started introducing themselves and asking the rest of us new kids to introduce ourselves on the first day; by the next, I had already learnt and remembered all their names. By the third I had known who's funny and loud, who's nice and quiet, who's serious and observant; and by the fourth I had figured out what makes them laugh, and what doesn't. By the fifth, I was feeling comfortably comfortable.

I won't deny it - we're not the same. No one talks like I do, or laughs at the all the things that I would find funny. We don't watch the same shows and we don't listen to the same kind of songs. I doubt that I would ever, completely and wholly, meld in with them, at least not like the way I did with S4P '08, and not so soon. But that's okay, because no one is like S4P, and I don't expect them to be. But it doesn't stop me from having a great time around them (they're extremely hilarious people).

I'm counting my blessings.

Fifty-Six

2009-01-17T19:41:00.001-08:00

I am now in a computer shop in Bugis updating my blog on an Apple computer, and I must say, everything about it is pretty much awesome. The keyboard is delicious and the screen has much of my love. Real nice.

Fifty-Five

2009-01-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

WHAT KIND OF SICK AUTHOR LETS HIS MAIN CHARACTER FIGHT HIS ENEMY, BEAT THE ODDS, AND SURVIVE IN THE FIRST BOOK, AND THEN KILLS HIM OFF IN THE SEQUEL?! WHY WOULD ANYBODY FEEL THE NEED TO DO THAT, HUH?! WHY?!? DAMMIT!!

Fifty-Four

2009-01-15T18:32:00.000-08:00

I dreamt that I was being chased by some evil spirits, but then a man came and rescued me. Later on, I found that the man was gay and is already married to his partner, because I saw him driving away with another guy who was wearing a white veil in a pink car with the words 'Just Married' pasted at the back.

As to what I think all of this means, I'd really rather not say.

But enough about dreams.
I've been rudely snapped back to reality.
Because I start school next Monday.

Yeah.
So much for, 'You'll get a call from us in a week or two'.

I guess I have to go and shop for black shoes now.
Wee, takya kapor!

And on another note:
I'll be getting a new handphone soon!
(cue clapping)

Fifty-Three

2009-01-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

What I really really want to do
Right now,

Is to wear this big-ass, light blue headphones
With a Yellow Star on each side of them,

Walk over to Pasir Ris Park
(preferably wearing a long skirt),

And hug the horses there
While listening to 'If the Rain Must Fall'.

That's
What I really really want to do.

But I can't.
Because I don't have headphones.

So I'll just have to settle with going downstairs to buy tahu for my grandmother wearing my polka dot pants, because that's all I got.

Fifty-One

2009-01-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

So I was sleeping soundly this morning when I was woken up by my Tok at about 7:15 am.

"Yayi lah talipon."

Ahh. The relatives' how-was-your-o-level-results call. I love my grandparents and I think they're really cool people, but I'll be honest here and say that I've been dreading their call. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Do I tell them all my results of each and every subject, or do I just say it's okay? Would they try to talk about where I want to go now that I have my results? And, more importantly, will I have to try to make light conversation? I never liked light, polite conversation. It always feels fake. The interest.

But it turns out there was nothing to worry about at all. It was a nice, straightforward conversation.

So how did you do?
Okay ah, not bad, alhamdulillah.
How many subjects did you take? Did you pass them all?
Yeah, 9 subjects.
9, that's a lot! What were your best subjects?

So on and so forth. At the end he went, "Okay, tahniah dari Yayi and Nyayi eh!" which was sweet.

And that was it.
Silly me.

So I'm going to be honest here and say that I'm actually a little disappointed with some of my subjects because I really expected better (namely Bio and IRK - hah! IRK. I'm so terrible). But there were also some subjects which pleasantly surprised me (Amaths and Maths), so I say it's a fair deal. Overall, I'm pretty happy with what I got, and I thank God fervently for it.

It's over, ja?

I wish we could be talk about this openly, with no fear or trepidation, instead of hiding and pretending as if 4 years of friendship doesn't mean anything.

Also.

After careful consideration and deep deliberation on roller skates yesterday, while skating back and forth in the living room late at night, I have decided to go to Pre-U A-Levels. I realise that it's likely that I will have 2 difficult, uncomfortable years ahead of me, and that the other option - Poly - would be a more enjoyable, refreshing experience. But I have to think long term here. The end results will be worth it, insya Allah.

Which reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip where Calvin is debating with himself whether to do his homework or to go outside and play in the snow.

"In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside.
In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful.
But in the very long term, I know which will make better memories."

Snow-playing ensues.

*sigh*
I think we all should try to acquire Calvin's infinite wisdom.

Fifty

2009-01-11T15:37:00.001-08:00

Today's the day.

today today today today today.

*takes deep breath*

Here we go.

Forty-Nine

2009-01-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

Zahira and I had a really interesting conversation about graphology, and it got me posting this: my handwriting analysis. I warn you, this will probably bore you to tears, so.

"Welcome Diyanah Hardy, here is your handwriting analysis.

Diyanah uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.The circumstances when Diyanah does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.Diyanah will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.Diyanah is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write very large tend to be very social and friendly. It seems Diyanah has this type of writing. This indicates a need for people and a particular natural ability to socialize and be the life of the party. Now, if Diyanah also has specific fears (like fear of criticism or fear of trust) then she will deny she is the life of the party, because fear has overcome her natural inclination to be social. People with large handwriting tend to be effective at anything that requires interaction with lots of people. she is a people person.

Diyanah is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.

Regarding honesty, she is basically honest with a tendency to lie in certain circumstances. This results from a combination of secretiveness (the desire to keep things private) and self deceit (the desire to not accept something in her life at the moment). She deliberately strays from or evades the truth. She feels the truth is not what she wants people to know. This is not always bad. Have you ever known a good secretary that could not say "the Boss isn't in", when the Boss is standing next to the phone? When Diyanah is in a position that she can't find a truthful way out, she might prevaricate.

Diyanah can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.

In reference to Diyanah's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Diyanah slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.
She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Diyanah can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Diyanah is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Diyanah basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

One way Diyanah punishes herself is self directed sarcasm. She is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at herself.

Diyanah has a tendency to put things off, Diyanah procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Diyanah will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Diyanah is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

Diyanah has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Diyanah has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Diyanah fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Diyanah has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I wouldn't be surprised if Diyanah just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Diyanah finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful."

I got it at handwritingwizard.com, and I gotta say it's pretty accurate. I just don't think the last paragraph is totally true, but who knows? Maybe I'm just denying the undeniable truth. Huh.

Forty - Eight

2009-01-07T01:58:00.000-08:00

Despite all my previous paranoia, I totally didn't see this one coming.

Mas (SMS): Seab confirmed on web, 12 jan 2 pm. Hahahahahah. (Yes, that's the exact number of hahas)

And she's right!

"Results for the 2008 GCE O-Level examination will be released on 12 Jan 2009 ( 2.00 pm )"

Now that's more like it!

I know I should be nervous right now, what with just a couple of days left, but I don't think the reality of it has quite sunken in yet. I'm more excited than anything. I started calling as many poeple as I can to spread the good/bad news. It was interesting: I got a variety of responses, from (my favourite) "OMG OMG OMG SERIOUSLY OMG!!!" (Dinah, Zahira, Syuhada), to "Oh shoooot really ah?" (Faatimah, Syafiaah); from voicemail (Fiq) to "She's not home" (Syahidah, Mardhiah); and from "Password slip? What password slip?!" (Maz (my cousin), Amirah) to "If you wanna go to Nanyang nye open house, go tomorrow at 2. Ade Taufik Batisah" (Nadhirah).

Nice.

Countdown starts now.

Forty-Seven

2009-01-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

So far - because the day's not over yet - I'm having a very very nice time.

It's quiet in the house, which is definietly a bit of weirdness that takes some getting used to. I was woken up for Subuh just as the rest of the family were leaving; it was funny, seeing them all clad in their uniforms without me. After praying, I snuggled up in bed with Calvin and Hobbes (two of my favourite comic friends) before having Frosties cereal for breakfast (one of my favourite cereals). Mmmmm. Then I switched on the computer, doing nothing and a lot of things at the same time, but still balancing everything out by taking a break each hour to do my chores. My mum is very happy with this one - she's dumping all sorts of projects on me. So far I've cleaned the dishes, hung out the laundry, swept the house, mopped the house, and cleaned a cupboard. Not bad, if I do say so myself. I find that I don't mind doing chores, so long as I do it at my own pace and time.

The house was all in order by 11, and I was feeling rather proud of myself, so I watched a movie! I wanted to watch Ratatouille or The Incredibles, but I could find neither, so I settled on Spongebob Squarepants the Movie and watched it with some ice cream and keropok (but not together because that's just wrong) with Max, my monkey-man. Literally. It must have been a sorry image, me watching a movie alone with a stuffed toy propped up to sit beside me, but I don't mind. Max actually makes for very enjoyable company.

I'm going to have to go out in about an hour because Marinah forgot to bring her ez-link with her. What a way to start your first day of school, huh!

Still, I don't mind.
I'm very willing to go and don't feel reluctant fetching her at all.
See?
That's how much of a good mood I am in right now.

*hums*

Forty-Six

2009-01-04T03:39:00.000-08:00

The family's making a ruckus. Tomorrow is the first day of the school, and they're all frantically making the final preparations - packing bags, getting clothes ready, and all that jazz. A couple of weeks, maybe even days, ago, this sight would have made me feel wistful, but now I feel a little smug. I'm glad that I get to extend my holiday a little longer, even if it is only for a couple of days and even if it would be riddled with various activites of the house-caring type.

My cousin was doubtful when I told him that we may be getting our results this coming Friday - he says that, if that were the case, we'd know of it by now through the media. This despite that fact that my friends say that the media would only alert us of our results the day before it is given out - two days, if we're lucky. I don't know who to believe.

That doesn't stop me from being paranoid, though. Everytime I get an SMS - which, admittedly, isn't too often - I get freaked out, thinking that it's a message from one of my friends that would go somewhere along the lines of 'OMG DEE WE'RE GETTING OUR RESULTS TOMORROW CHECK THE NEWSPAPER AAAAAAHHHH!!!!', when the message is actually from Singtel promoting some new service that failed to catch my attention long enough for me to read it till the end.

I really can't stand the anticipation anymore. Even if they can't give it to me right now, at least give me the date of that Day so that I can freak out now, in advance, and then be resolved, resigned, and ready when the Day finally arrives.

The website has nothing to reveal:

"Examination Results for GCE O-Level will be released in mid January of the year following the examination year.

You will have your results sent to you by post. You may also retrieve your results through the Internet."

Gaah.

Forty - Five

2009-01-01T22:58:00.000-08:00

Graduation Day.

The event was scheduled to begin at 9, so naturally, it started at 10 am. Thus began an hour of speeches, followed by an hour of ceremonial 'certificate' giving, before finally ending the whole thing with class photos, ordinary photos, and eating. Overall a very uneventful event, though I was very very proud of Nadhirah for giving that speech. *thumbs up*

Nonetheless, the whole thing was made worthwhile by being able to see everybody again. I was happily surprised at how surprisingly happy I was to meet the class - it's good to know that I'm not ready to move on just yet. I even got a few hugs, which were lovely. I'm not usually a hugger, but it's not because I don't like them or feel uncomfortable about them. I just think that they're something that should be saved for special occasions. That way they become even more precious and mean something even more.

Still. There's no need to get too sentimental yet. If rumours ring true, then I'll probably be seeing everyone again next week, when we will supposedly be getting our results. This is way earlier than I expected, though to be honest, I wish they'd just hand it over so I can just get this whole drama done and overwith. Really. I don't know how I long I can delude myself into not thinking about it. I don't know how I'm going to endure the hour long journey to school, knowing I'm getting closer and closer to my results. I don't know how I'm going to endure the journey back home. I think I should bring shades.

Okay I'm gonna stop thinking about it now.

Here.
This might help.

From Lemony Snicket's 'The Beatrice Letters':

"Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you with no regard to the actions of our enemies or the jealousies of our comrades. I will love you with no regard to the outrage of certain parents or the boredom of certain friends. I will love you no matter what is served in the world's cafeterias or what games are played at each and every recess. I will love you no matter how many fire drills we are all forced to endure, and no matter what is drawn upon the blackboard in blurry, boring chalk. I will love you if you cut your hair and I will love you if you cut the hair of others. I will love you if I see you every Tuesday, and I will love you if I never see you again. I will love you as the pesto loves the fettuchini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, and as the tempura loves the ikura and the pepperoni loves the pizza. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you as an airplane loves to fall from a clear blue sky and as an escalator loves to entangle expensive scarves in its mechanisms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a glass of brandy to calm their nerves, and as a glass of brandy loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of glass shattering loves to make someone else gasp, and as someone else gasping loves a desk to lean against, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and reveal a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and until all the secrets have all gone gasping into the world."

This is just a smaaaaaall smaaaaall snippet, people. I swear it goes on and on for like 3 and a half pages.

So sweet.

Forty-Four

2009-01-01T03:01:00.000-08:00

Here is the truth: I don't really, truly feel like blogging. I'm only doing it now out of pure obligation, which is actually not a good thing because obligation takes the fun out of all your writing. When you writing about something you love or you're excited about, it shines through your words. When you write something because your sisters have reminded you and thus made you feel guilty and rather irresponsible, you can't come up with much.

But here I am, writing out of obligation anyway, because guilt and sisters combined do that to you. You do things you'd rather not. So.

It's the first day of 2009! That's going to take some getting used to. I've always had a bit of trouble adjusting to changes. I remember still writing 'Sec 3 Pink' on all my work when I had in fact already graduated to Sec 4. Speaking of which - I can't wait for Lily to get all those O Level speeches she's going to get from the teachers during her first few days of school. It makes me want to grin evilly. Which I am doing now. Which makes me incredibly stupid. Which makes me laugh. Which makes me feel stupid again. Which makes me laugh again.

The saga continues.
(Ha ha ha)

I don't feel like anything has changed now that we have passed on to the new year. I'd like to think that I've gotten a little smarter and a little wiser, though. Just a little, but with still enough stupidity to make me stay human. For instance: I'm wise enough to know that I'm terrible at following through any kind of plan; therefore, I didn't make any new year resolutions. But, I'm still stupid enough to tell myself that the reason I didn't make any new year resolutions is because I'm smart, and not because I'm lazy.

See?
I'm growing up.

Tomorrow is Graduation Day.

Mas says:
oh i forgot to ask you...are you excited for tomorrow?

Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo says:
haha ok ok ah. itd be nice to see everybody again, and im interested at what the ceremonys going to be like

Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo says:
but im not looking forward to gosoking my school clothes

(Yeah, I'm the Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo)

I'm also not looking forward to getting my results, which, as my sister cheerfully reminds me, is in half a month's time. She's just trying to be helpful of course - just because I'm having nightmares about them in my sleep doesn't mean I should not think about it when I'm awake!

Also, it'd mean that the holidays are very quickly coming to end, which is sad because, despite not regularly updating, a LOT of things have been happening. We go out all the time, which is fun, even if it is just to have lunch together. Maybe especially so.

But all's well that ends well, whatever the heck that means.
We all have to face our own destinies sooner or later.

So before I end this post, there is one last thing I must say:

"Red and black,
Poison lack.
Red and yellow,
A dangerous fellow."

Which means that one of them is harmless, while the other one is absolutely lethal. I'll leave it to you to figure out which one.

So that's it! I am now ready to welcome the new year with open arms.

WELCOME 2009!!!!
*spreads arms wide*

Now what?

Forty - Three

2008-12-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

I made this template early this month, and I hadn't planned on using it until January next year, but after what I've seen today I feel the need to show the world my love for the world.

Today's Christmas Day, so my Dad got a day off. We were (mercilessly) woken up at 6:30 am, true to my father's word, because we had planned the night before to play badminton very early in the morning, when conditions are best because of the cool weather and sleeping people. We played for 2 hours, during which I am sad to say I did not perform particularly well. Actually, I think not so bad lah. But I can't play a singles game for the life of me. Which means that I can't be a professional badminton player, either.

It was an excellently refreshing way to start the day, and we were rewarded with a McDee's breakfast at East Coast Park. Then, since we were already there, we decided, what the heck - let's head out to the beach! And that's where I was met with a terrible sight.

The beach was just littered with cans, plastic bags, party sprays, bottles - you name it, it was there on the beach floor. Well, actually, that's not true, but you get my drift. It was really really maddening. And it wasn't just the one area - it was the whole stretch of beach. I mean, God! I know human beings can do dumb things, but this was just disgusting. It made me lose faith in the human race, the stupid shitheads.

After much fuming, me my Dad and my sisters ended up spending our time there by playing on the breakwater (breakwater! like seawalls, groynes, gabions.... sigh. memories.) and walking over to the jetty, which was terribly boring if you're not that into fish. The walk was nice though; I learnt along the way that I'm an excellent skipper. I just skip beautifully. =D

We ended the whole thing with a trip to the mangroves at Pasir Ris Park, which was pretty much awesome. We saw crabs, mudskippers, lizards, spiders, herons, a kingfisher and a turtle. At the end of the whole pathway we met a man who was kind enough to lend us his camera lens and binoculars - apparently he was a regular who could easily tell you which is bird is called what. The best word I can come up for the whole thing was, "coolio!". Which hardly does justice.

UNFORTUNATELY.

The mangrove was heavily littered with, well, litter. We even found two footballs and one basketball. Like, what the heck?!

More fuming abounded.

Our final stop was at Gallops Stables, where we all got to pat and stroke Misty the Horse, before coming back home itchy, sandy, and pretty much gross.

Anyway.
What I'm trying to say is...
The world is just awesome.
And we're going to have to work harder if we want to deserve it.

Forty - Two

2008-12-21T06:45:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to get this off my chest for weeks now, so I'm just going to say it now before I forget.

I have a confession to make.

I've been stealing my Dad's socks.

I can't help it! He has the best socks in the whole house. It's just the right size, color and thickness - it's not too thick, not too thin, which gives it this amazingly soft feel.

So there. I confessed.
Please forgive me.

Forty - One

2008-12-19T22:09:00.000-08:00

Went out for lunch yesterday with the Arena gang. It was nice to see everyone again.

Sigh.

I miss everybody.
Especially the Gang.

PS: If you have been fighting the urge to take out and read their textbooks during the holidays - have no fear. You are not alone. We need help. Paste this PS on your blog if you have the same problem. Don't be ashamed - admittance is the first step to recovery.

=D

Forty

2008-12-18T01:43:00.001-08:00

I prefer Indonesian songs to Malay ones.
And they're my favourite Indonesian band.

They have really nice lyrics, a great voice, and play songs about Islam with a rocky twist.
What's not to love?

Just don't ask me what the song or video is about.
I'm not so sure myself.
I just watch the video to admire their outfits.
So nice.
=D

Thirty-Nine

2008-12-16T04:21:00.001-08:00

It's not like I don't have anything to write about these days. I do. It's just that, everytime I get home and switch on the computer, I get started on Neopets. Yeah. That website. I got hooked again. It takes up a lot of computer time, and by the time I'm done with it, I can't be bothered to blog anymore. So there. That's my excuse for not posting these past few days.

First of all, before I forget, a very important announcement! Credits to Nina, she has helped me answer the question: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SHOWS NAME THAT GOES "WERE OFF TO SEE THE _ _ _ _". AND WHAT THE HECK IS THAT _ _ _ _ ?! (If you don't get what I'm talk about, refer to post 'Twelve'). Well, the answer is..... TIDDLYPEEPS! And the name of the show is The Hoobs! Now that rings my bell.

I know, I know, I sound crazy, but this is a big deal for me, so just go with the flow.

Yesterday

So Da Sistaz went to Escape, which was fun, even though there aren't any new rides, and my two favourite rides are under construction. Yes: no Rainbow, and no Inverter. We did get to ride the Viking this time, though, which was freakily fun. After exhausting ourselves on the rides and queues, we left for a mo and went... ice skating! Yay! That's one thing I can cross off my list. Sad to say, though, that I was pretty lousy on ice. I mean, I could stand and move forward, but with little speed and even less confidence. The rest were, of course, naturals. Kak Han and Nina were fast, Lily had great balance, and Marinah was going around helping other kids.

Yeah.
There goes my dreams of being a pro ice skater.

Still.
I try to hold on to the fact that I could race them all and win.
So long as I'm on the ground, of course.

Then we arcade-ed. I won at World Combat (tembak-tembak game), but lost miserably at Daytona (read: finished last), which I did not expect. I was doing so well at 1st place then ZOOOM Lily gi depan and then BAM Kak Han langgar me and I went flipping! So there was my car, bent bruised and shaking, but I thought, "Well at least I'm third."

ZOOOM Nina passed me. I was like where did she come from?!.
It was a shocker.
I was very sad.

Then we went back and played even more Escape.
Very fun and very tiring.

Today

I woke up with an aching body, but I had to haul out of bed because today was Forest Adventure Day! We scheduled to be there at 10, so we left with Mama and the rest who were going to school for the book sale (hawhaw). We went there with Kak Han's friend Am, who, when put together with Kak Han, makes for a very entertaining show.

The whole Grand Course is made up of 4 sites, but its really not too complicated. It's mostly clips, ladders, bridges, nets and ziplines. You basically climb up trees and move on shaky obstacle bridges from one tree to another, going higher and higher, until finally you zip down the zipline onto the sandbox, where you will either land on two feet or two buttocks. Your luck.

I don't care how out of shape I am, climbing up ladders is tougher than it looks. It's my least favourite part of the whole thing because the thick rope can really do a number on your hands. One of my favourite obstacles was the Tarzan, where you basically had to jump off a platform on top of a tree and just jump (with harness and everything of course) a couple of feet right into a vertically hung net. The jump is very sudden - you just dip right down before landing smack into that net. It was really fun, but I really really wish I said something other than 'OH MY GOOOOOOSSSHH!!' while jumping. I couldn't help it! Terperanjat! But best!

This is a small thing, but I loved the clips. You basically have to clip yourself onto wires to make sure you're attached at all times. You know, so you don't fall and die. It's just clipping and unclipping, hooking and unhooking, but I enjoyed it. It was nice.

Kak Han and Am were supervising us, so it ended up with me having to go first on all the courses, which was awesome. All the obstacles are really strenous, but the zip down makes it all worthwhile. Flying over the tree (yeah just one tree) and reservoir was just indescribable. I'd say fun or awesome, but it hardly does it justice. I wish there were more longer ziplines. Fun.

Then we went to TP, had lunch, and headed home.

I'm going to catch up on my afternoon naps now.

Sponsored by Kak Han. Thanks yar.

Thirty-Eight

2008-12-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

Do you have a YouTube account? Have you ever posted a comment on a video? And have you ever had an audio preview to that comment before posting it? Basically, if you press the 'audio preview' button, this stoic, monotone man's voice would read out the comment for you, which I find hilarious, because it's so expressionless! Sort of like when you get a message on your home phone. I like to make them say it over and over again just for kicks. Hahahaha best.

Thirty-Six

2008-12-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

I've actually been working on a particular post for days now. I wanted to talk about this list I made about the things I want to do after the Os are over. But I never could write that post properly because I, I don't know, I just can't focus. And lately I can't seem to write the way I usually do. Which sucks, because I can't draw the way I used to either. It's frustrating when you think you have a great image in your head, but you can't see it be brought to life because you simply can't translate it on paper.

Which just leaves me with reading. Which, now that I think about it, I did not do at all yesterday.

What did I do yesterday? :T

The days pass by so quickly, I find that I don't have to do anything to while away my time. It just whiles itself away! Useful.

But at least I have today to look forward to. My mum and Kak Han have just gotten their montly pays, which means ka-ching! for the rest of us, whether they admit it now or not (glee!). At the very least, we're going out for dinner tonight, which should be fun.

And then there's next week: Escape on Tuesday, and Forest Adventure on Wednesday, which I am particularly looking forward to because it's going to be really thrilling. I'd also like to think of it as a test. You know, see if I'm up to all this risky business. If I intend to skydive one day, might as well start with something smaller first, right?

I hope I'm as brave as I hope I am.

List of Things I Hope to Do Before I Grow Too Old, Die, or The World Ends,

1. Jump on a trampoline
2. Sit on a window seat of a plane
3. Go ice-skating
4. Go sky-diving

That's all I can come up with so far.
And I arranged it from Easiest to Achieve to Hardest to Achieve. Though the positions of number 2 and 3 are debatable, I think I'm going to achieve 2 sooner than 3.
I don't want to aim for things too high. It's best to ask for life's simpler pleasures.

Thirty-Five

2008-12-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

So, Happy Belated Hari Raya Aidiladha!

Yesterday was pretty nice. Not particularly fun, but not boring either. Woke up a little late, I think, and quickly started to get dressed. Unfortunately, because I did not prepare my clothes the night before like the obedient child I should have been (my mum was all, "kan mama dah cakap!!"), I couldn't find my Hari Raya clothes. Which meant that I had to wear last year's. Which meant that I was totally mismatched from all my boria boria skolah Victoria siblings. Haha.

Then it was prayer time. We waited for about 30 to 45 minutes for other people to come in before the prayers could start, during which I - sneakily, I suppose - read my LOTR book. While selawat-ing, of course. Does sitting two rows behind your mother and placing your handbag at such an angle so that said mother could not see the book you are reading on the floor count as sneaking? Yeah. I didn't think so.

Then we went to my grandparents' house. The whole place smelled of, God bless them, this beautiful aroma of nasi beriyani. It was to die for. Unfortunately, it meant gaining some more pounds, but really, how can you not eat? It's a special occasion!

Finally we went to the masjid to see the kambings. Well, more like Kak Han did - the rest of us just sat in the car. Usually I go out to see them too, but I've already seen sheep this year before yesterday, and once you've seen one you've seen them all, you know? Me and Nina played Goosebumps instead - you know, the one where you have to make decisions and decide your own fate? Yeah that one. Best. I was never good at that game. I always end up dying. Always.

So, to curb that incident from ever happening again, Nina and I made a flowchart! It shows the various steps you can take, and which leads to winning and which leads to loser-dom. Hahaha. Crazy.

Thirty-Four

2008-12-05T23:13:00.000-08:00

I've been having strange dreams lately.

Yesterday I dreamt that Singapore was having its second football match against some other random South-East Asian country, but this time the stadium was packed full of people. If you watched yesterday's match - or just a portion of it, like I did - then you would understand why my dream is a dream. Anyway, I remember me and Lily going, "Ahh, that's more like it! Baru banyak orang!"

Sad.

I also had a nightmare the night before that. I guess you can say I had it twice in one night, because I had the dream, woke up in the middle of night, went back to sleep, and had the same dream again. I shan't say what it is because people tell me that recounting bad dreams can make them come true. Now, I don't consider myself a superstitious person, but this is a really really bad dream, so I'm not taking any chances.

Wish I had remembered that before I told my dad. Oh well.

Interesting thing to note is that, in my dream, I thought, "Oh my god this can't be real! Is this a dream?" And then I pinched myself to make sure it wasn't a dream, and it hurt! I could feel the pinch! Which made me go, "Oh god this isn't a dream!"

Which just goes to prove that inflicting bodily harm onto yourself cannot prove whether you are asleep or awake. Just remember that next time you go to bed.

Thirty - Two

2008-12-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

I'm back!

Normally I wouldn't be blogging immediately after returning home from an overseas trip because we usually come home at around 11 o'clock. But we came back to Singapore early this time, because, well, you can only shop so much. After 5 days of just buying things, we've seen pretty much everything. Which in a way is kind of sad.

But I had a lot of fun, and I bought a lot of cool stuff, which I won't really get into because I don't think it's of much interest, or most importantly, importance. Suffice to say that I really had a blast, and it was a rocking trip that I think a small part of me deserves. You know, because of the O Levels and all. I find that taking the Os can make you deserve all kinds of things.

If, however, you guys are feeling particularly detail-hungry or (most probably) bored, this is what I bought:

2 out of 3 LOTR books (yeah haha I couldn't find the first one);
2 shiny rings;
2 new outfits;
2 new bags;
1 Jason-Mraz-style hat (I just bought this today because I still had a lot of money left to burn. And I've always wanted to buy a hat);
Lots and lots and lots of Coffee Bean;
and other stuff.

Highlight of the whole trip: holding insects and a lizard in the Penang Butterfly Park, which I thought was boring but was absolutely not. I'm particularly buzzed about touching that cat gecko because, well, that's not something you do everyday. It felt cold, and smooth, but not hard like a snake. It kinda felt like liquid. Awesome, man, AWEsome.

(Ugh, um, it looks... really kinda gross here. But it wasn't. My mum says it has sexy eyes. After I had held it and given it back to the show presenter, she (the presenter, not my mum) casually added, "Oh, yes, and it can jump". Yeah. Let me hold it, and then you tell me. Nice.)

Still, I'm glad to be back home. Just shopping and walking day after day after day can really wear you down, especially when you stay up late to watch movies on cable which you would otherwise not be able to watch at home. I finally get to sit down in a wide, open space (you have no idea how cramped the car was) and do things like read draw and write; things I can't normally do in a moving vehicle. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder - I missed Singapore.

I feel out-of-date though. Haven't been reading news or anything, so I don't quite know what's going on in this world, except for the fact that 'Alonso the Brat', as my Mum puts it, is quitting F1. And I'm not even sure I heard that right.

So, yeah. To celebrate the new month, and my coming back here, I've decided to put up this new template. It's currently my favourite because it didn't take long to make and turned out exactly the way I wanted it.

And that's about all that I can spew. For now.
Cheers y'all.

Thirty-One

2008-11-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

It's funny. After all this time counting down the days to the Malaysia Trip, I become less excited when the day before the actual trip approaches. Not to say I'm not excited, of course - what are you, stupid? But, I don't know, I'm just calmer now think about it.

I initially planned to write this post late at night. You know, sort of like final goodbye or something like that that is equally stupid. But then I realised that today's going to be a pretty busy day; chances are, this first couple of hours of the day are going to be the only relaxed ones. There's going to blood donating and, of course, packing. I can't wait to pack.

I'm looking forward to everything: packing, waking up before the sun comes out, the long road trips, the hotels, the shopping.

See you guys next week!

( Marinah asked me last night, "Kak Dee, what year will we be returning from KL?"
I stared at her and frowned. "What do you mean, what year?" I was thinking, year?! is this girl for real?
And she went, "Yeah, you know. Like, will we back March or May or...?"
"Adik," I replied after a beat, "we'll be back next week."
Now she's the one looking quizzical. "You mean, in December?!"

Yes, Adik. December.)

Thirty

2008-11-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

This blogskin I'm using right now took me three tries to get right. Right now I'm working on another one; it has been more than 20 tries but I'm still getting it wrong. I don't know WHY and I still haven't figured it out, so it's slowly sucking out my soul, but I can't stop. In fact, the more I try, the more I feel compelled to go on, because wouldn't it suck to stop after you've tried so hard? You never know if that one more try would be the one. And I'm so close, I am. I have to keep on going.

So yeah just wanted to type that out to vent my stress. You'd think my holidays should be more relaxing, but I'd like to think that the end result would be worth it.
Oh God I hope it would be.
What if it's not?
Fishsticks!

Now I'm not sure whether I should go on or quit.
T_T
(The emoticon above doesn't nearly convey my frustration - does anyone still say frust these days?)

sigh.

......

You know what?
I don't think it'll be THAT worth it.
I shall stop for now, sleep on it, and come to a decision tomorrow.

Speaking of which.

Tomorrow's Report Book Day. First time in a long long while that I'm not afraid, mostly because (1) I already know the results, hahaha; and (2) O Levels are over. There's really no significance to this report book anymore.

I can't wait to see everyone again, actually. And to just get out and about. I'm even kinda excited to wear my uniform again... K no that's just pushing it.

Twenty-Nine

2008-11-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

I was really a klutz today. Really. A true nut.

Remember when I forgot to bring the parent consent form last time I wanted to donate blood? Well this time I didn't forget. In fact, I brought TWO forms along, just in case of I don't know what. I made doubly sure. No way I'm going to miss donating my blood again because of my forgetfulness.

Except.
This time?
I forgot to bring my wallet.
Which has my IC in it.
Which is what you need to show them before donating your blood.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
WHAT THE BUCK?! *pulls face*

Not to be deterred, I decided to give the center a ring, just to be sure that I do need my IC.
The person asked if it was my first time. When I said it would be my third, she said that wouldn't need my IC, just my blood donation card.

Except.
That card is in my wallet.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
WHAT THE BUCK?! *pulls face*

So, okay. Never mind. Like my cousin's mantra decreeds, shit happens. Move on. Next Friday then. At least I get to visit the library with my family after class at masjid and borrow some books.

Except.
My library card is in my wallet.

ugh.

Next time someone asks me the one thing I won't leave home without, I know what to answer for sure.

Also.
I broke my shades.
But I fixed it.

And I bought half a chicken.
But it didn't satiate my hunger.
So I ended up eating from Kak Han.

Poor Kak Han.

Malaysia and Penang in 6 days!

Twenty-Eight

2008-11-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

Today I saw Candice Miller. I don't care what Sabrina says, it really was her. I was the one who was wearing glasses, and I was the one who actually heard her voice, so I'm pretty sure you know who's the right one here (In case you haven't caught on yet, that person would be me).

I can't concentrate.
And I don't know what to say.

Okay, so that's not totally true. I never run out of things to say; I can always come up with something to talk about. The trouble is finding somehing interesting to write. In which case, I got nothing. The only reason I'm actually writing this now is because Sabrina wants me to. Why I'm actually listening to her, I have no idea.

Hey.
That's right.
I don't have to listen to her.
I'm older, I don't owe her anything, and more importantly, she didn't say please.
I think that last fact alone is argument enough.

So,
See ya.

Punk is dead but pop was never cool.

Twenty-Seven

2008-11-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

The second man now says:
ok give me a number

Mas says:
4

The second man now says:
ok

4 Things About Me That Are of Little Importance

One. I just found out that Sherlock Holmes actually died in his last story. Yeah. Like, what the heck?!

Two. If I could listen to only one singer or band for the rest of my life, it would be Switchfoot. I could go on and on about how their lyrics and music rock and compelement each other perfectly, but you don't really care and I don't really know what to say to put it to justice, so. Just know that I really really really like them. Kay, now that that's out of my system. Next.

Three. My MSN nicks are based on lyrics of songs that I'm currently listening to that just kinda sounds nice. The previous one was 'A maverick' from Vienna by The Fray. As of now it's 'The second man now' from 24 by Switchfoot.

Four. I'm going to KL and Penang with my family for 6 days and 5 nights in two weeks. See ya, bambinas!

And

Four Firsts of Equal Importance With the Previous Topic

My first best friend was Amirah Wasilah.
My first celebrity crush was Ewan McGregor haha.
My first blog was dee-amaya.
My first ring was a silver birthday present from Kak Han which reminded me of Wonder Woman.

Done and done.

Twenty-Six

2008-11-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

RULE #1: People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2: Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by, thus continuing this game by sending it to other people.

I was tagged by Lily on her blog, http://hisarchangel.blogspot.com/.

1. Do you have secrets?
Everyone's got secrets, so sure.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you?
As long as he is mature and intelligent beyond his years, yes.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
It's got its ups and downs. I don't love it excessively, but I don't hate it, either. I think I do enjoy it, though. I think everyone should. You're gonna miss your school-life one day.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I've always thought about this question so I already know exactly what I'm gonna do. First I'd use some of it for a family trip to Mecca. Then I'd save off a portion for future holidays, a portion for charity, a portion for school, and a portion for myself. The remaining money I'd give to my parents for the family.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
All my best friends are girls, so I'm gonna go with a no. I think it's nice to fall in love with your best friend, though, and wouldn't mind it if I had a guy one.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved.

7. List out any of your most favourite artist.
Switchfoot, Jason Mraz, The Fray and currently, the cast of LOTR.

8. What is your favourite food?
Spaghetti with that white cream sauce. Waaah.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
I was finally able to go to the library and have just finished an awesome book yesterday. That made me really good.

10. What makes you angry?
People who don't step up to their responsibilities and when the people I love don't believe how amazing they really are.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Dude, I dont' even know where I wanna go next year. 10 years is a bit too far off for me.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
'Currently'? How can people only be 'currently' important?
My family & friends. Always.

13. What are the most important things in life?
The things and people you love and the beliefs that you hold.

14. Single or attached?
Single, and proudly so.

15. What are your favourite colours?
Green. Yellow's pretty nice too.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Maybe. But not immeadiately and not all at once.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
God I hope that never happens! I don't think it's possible for someone to fall in love with two people at once, because that wouldn't really be love, would it?

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?
I find that, so far, I can't bring myself to NOT forgive eventually. But I never forget.

19. What do you really want now?
The whole day t myself.

20. Five people that I've tagged:
I don't think enough people read my blog but I tag: Zahira, Kak Han, Nina, any of Kak Han's friends whom she tells me reads this blog occasionally, and the Obama Man himself. Go knock yourselves out.

Twenty-Five

2008-11-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

Sfarsit - Romanian

El Fin - Spanish

Die Ende - German

Shuryou - Japanese

Wakas - Tagalog

Sfarsit - Romanian

El Fin - Spanish

Ha Sikum - Hebrew

Fim - Portugese

Rampung - Javanese

Son - Turkish

Ukuphela - Zulu

Selesai - Malay

The End - English

It's over. It really is.

I can't help but feel relieved.

Celebrating must commence!

To freedom!

Twenty-Four

2008-11-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

That's it.
I give in.

I got cocky when I managed to do this blog template by myself, so I offered my services to Lily. That one took a while, but I finally managed, and after a few quirks and whacks its all done. I must say I was pleased, and I still am. The success gave a me a boost in confidence, so when Sabrina asked that I do a blog for her too, I accepted.

But now I've been at it for about 40 minutes and I'm getting nowhere. Well, that's not true. I AM getting somewhere, but it's just not very far. The whole attempt is really rather half-hearted, and my eyes hurt from the glare of the screen. I think I just gave myself glacoma.

Serves me right, really.
I still have to finish it, but not right now.
I'm giving myself a break.

23 down, 1 more to go.

Twenty-Three

2008-11-10T00:41:00.000-08:00

According to Sesame Street's official website, the letter of the day is L. So today I am going to type out as many words starting with the letter L as I can under one minute. Nina is going to help me time.

Ready...... go!

Lima Lily lollipops lime lucy liu lemon lemonade lackedoodles lemurs linguini letter lettermen leopard land lord of the rings lack lion list lister

Hahahaha thats it. Clearly I need to watch Sesame Street more.

Twenty-Two

2008-11-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Wow. It's Saturday again. It seems like just yesterday when I sat down infront of the TV to watch Psych and Kyle XY. Now I'm going to be watching them again tomorrow. Time really flies, huh? All the days and weeks seem to just blend together, until, one day, gedebak gedebuk, you wake up and suddenly find yourself married with kids, a house, and a career, and you had NO idea when it happened.

Freaky.

Which only makes it fitting for me to mention the interesting things that have happened this past week, to make it stand out from the rest and be forever remembered.

So.

List of Interesting Things That Have Happened This Past Week to Make It Stand Out From
the Rest and Be Forever Remembered.

(1) Sunday. Me, Kak Han and Kak Wani (Kak Han's friend) when to the Blood Donation Centre to donate blood. We've been delaying doing it for quite some time now because of the time I had had to devote to my O'Level exams (curse the Os!). So now that the exams and my burden have lessened considerably, we finally allowed ourselves to go. I was really excited because, well, I love donating blood. Does that sound sick? Hmm... No, I don't think so.

So, anyway, once we got there, all smiley and jumpy from the anticipation of doing a good deed, we filled up the necessary forms and handed it in to the counter. After a while, we were called to the desk - and by after a while, I mean immediately after we handed it in. So we sat down.

The lady read through the form I had filled in and asked, "May I see your consent form?"

I froze.
SHIT.

You have to be 18 to be able to donate without parental consent. I'm 16, so I need my parent's signature first before donating blood, which makes no sense to me whatsoever. What, you think I sneaked off under my parents' noses to save lives? Why would I do that, and if so, that would be a bad thing? I'm trying to save people here! Three people, to be exact. Is that so wrong?!

So yeah. Hahahaha it's always funny on hindsight, but at that time it wasn't. I cried a little, but there really wasn't anything to do. Rules were rules. Despite being the regular rebel that I am, I couldn't very well just run into the donation room and stick the needle into my arm. That would just be plain silly. Instead I was forced to just go back to the waiting room, sit and, well, wait. Kak Han and Kak Wani's forms were fine, so they went to the doctor's office to be checked before disappearing around the corner to have their blood iron level checked while I sat in a dark corner cursing the number 16.

Two minutes, later, they came back.
The passing mark for the amount of iron in your blood is 12.5.
Kak Wani got 8.4.
Kak Han got 12.3.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
That made me feel much better. Truly, misery loves company.
And thus, we all walked out of the centre with nothing accomplished.
We're thinking of going again in 2 weeks time.

(2) Lily stepped on a toothpick and bled something pretty intense. She went, "OMG someone help me someone help me please OMG!!" which again, in hindsight, is funny. Though, come to think of it, it was funny even then. Sorry Lily, but seriously, you'd think her whole foot had been cut off or something. But anyway.

There she was, screaming, "Help me!"
So I grabbed the first cloth I could find. It was hanging on my room's doorknob, so I whipped it off, pressed it to Lily's foot, and made her sit down.

Lily: "You're using Nina's singlet?!"
Me: "It was the first thing I could find!"
Lily: "Oh God it hurts!"

Sabrina got all excited about seeing the trail of blood she had left on the floor and started calling for my mother.

Nina: "Mama Kak Lily is bleeding!"

When my mum came,
Mama: "AGHHH GOD THE SINGLET! Now who's gonna use it, huh? HUH?!"
Lily: *hysterical* Well, I'm sorry I stepped on the toothpick!!

Hahahahahahaha the drama, the drama.
Welcome to my family.

(3) This hasn't happened yet, but I'm going out today! Having breakfast with Dinah later, then going to Teacher A's party. I miss sitting down and just talking with friends about things other than studies, so I can't wait.

And that's about it.
See you guys later, I hope.

Twenty-One

2008-11-04T23:36:00.000-08:00

I'm going crazy. I must be. Or maybe I'm getting sick. In the head. Because there's no other logical explanation for the way I'm feeling right now.

Feeling what?
Feeling this:
I miss the O'Levels.

Yes, I do, honest to goodness. I don't know why, thus the suggestions above, but I miss the whole process of going to the school centre, waiting for the exam time and grating on our nerves before queuing up and heading to the gym/hall, bringing in all the stuff you need, writing down your name and center number, taking out your entry proof and I.C., doing the paper, stopping when time's up, tying up the paper with that dratted piece of string, waiting for the examiners to pick up your paper, then being excused and comparing your answers with your mates despite knowing the heartache it may cost you. I miss all that. Everything. Every single step of the process. It's driving me crazy! I'm hoping that it's just a phase, or that the thing that I'm really missing is the aircon, but I doubt it.

I think a part of me wants to get out and get some fresh air, do something new, something exciting. I feel really... caged. I clearly need to get out more.
Good thing that the next paper is going to be tomorrow.

Twenty

2008-11-03T15:21:00.000-08:00

Hahaha can you hear it? Do you recognise it? It's Pokemon's first ever theme song! I fell crazy in love with that series when I was younger, as I'm sure some of you may remember, so that song is firmly embedded in my mind. Yes, I can still sing along to it now, years and years later. It's kind of a personal thing for me, brings back a lot of great memories. I can't stop laughing! If you never were a Pokemon fan, then you probably don't get what the big deal is, but that's ok. It's my childhood song. =D

So these past few days have been really good. The hours are mostly whiled away by playing the computer, sleeping, eating, then playing the computer again, in that order. It's a cycle and a routine, but it's the best kind of routine. I haven't touched a textbook at all! Okay, technically, that isn't true. I did try to do Geography yesterday but I didn't go very far. And by 'didn't go very far', I mean: 'took one look at it and then threw it aside'. Yes, literally threw it aside. It's somewhere under my bed at the moment. I suppose I'll have to take it out sometime today, though. I've had plenty of rest already, so it's time to take up the load again. I never thought I'd say this at my blog at this age, but ewww.

And on that particular note, I end this post.
I've really got nothing more to say.

Nineteen

2008-10-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, my friends, it has been a very, VERY long time. I could come up with all sorts of apologies and excuses about my inconsistencies and late-cies, but the question is, are you seriously, honestly surprised that I haven't updated? Because if you are you obviously don't know me very well. And more importantly: do you care? No, of course you don't! So since you really couldn't bother and I really couldn't bother, why don't we all just get right down to business.

Ahhh. I miss blogging and the sensation of talking to myself.

Main reason I'm finally doing this is because the O Levels are almost over. Which does not grant me freedom just yet, but seeing as to how the remaining three papers are all MCQ papers and are all spaced quite far apart from one another, I am giving myself permission to take a breather. Half a freedom, if you will. Not that I've ever sacrificed much for O Levels, of course, but just run with it here.

Blogging is just one of the things I am now allowing myself to do. I've also started watching movies again: I watched LOTR: The Two Towers just now, which was pretty much delicious. I've started drawing and dreaming about drawing a bit more, and I let myself stay up into the wee hours of the night to watch TV. About the only thing I haven't let myself do right now is visit the library to borrow books. That I'm keeping for the official opening to the official celebration of the official end of the Big Os.

I think I need the rest right now. It's pretty clear to me that I haven't been treating my body well during my studies and revisions. My back aches, I get naseous during bus rides, my right eye stings occasionally, and I have big gash on the sole of my left foot, which may or may not have been caused by me stepping on a broken piece of glass. But you get my drift.

So right now I'm going to just sit back, relax, and surf.
I only wish the speakers were working.
Some Switchfoot would be perfect right about now.

2008-08-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

this is kak hannah testing on dee's silly silly blog

Eighteen

2008-06-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'll type as best as I can, because I'm singing along to Switchfoot at the moment, and when I'm singing my thoughts tend to stray and I can't concentrate. Such is the power of music. It's a great, great gift.

Mama's at Thailand and will be back by tomorrow night. I miss her and can't wait for her to get back. I wing out a prayer for her safety everytime I think of her, which as you can imagine, is a lot of times. In the meantime, I get to act as Lady of the House! This means doing chores such as cleaning, washing, and supervising along with holding responsibility for all that happens in the house. I think I mentioned in a previous post how difficult this task is because my sisters are, by both nature and habit, slippery creatures. I realise now that the main reason this is so (that is, why the task is difficult, not why they are slippery) is because we are constantly arguing about who gets to play the computer when and for how long, which makes everyone even angrier and crankier, which makes EVERYthing worse. But now - now that the possibility of playing the computer is taken away, everyone is peaceful and right. Even the chores are enjoyable. I'm enjoying cooking in particular. Makes me feel very much like a grown-up. Sure, it's really more like re-heating the lauks which my mum had prepared in advanced as opposed to cooking, but big things must always blossom from little, little steps.

Today is an exception on the no-playing-the-computer rule, but there are still limits of course. One hour each. I don't complain. It is unwise to challenge the blessings that come your way. It would also be unwise to say that you don't deserve said blessings. Life may hear you and give you less next time. It's more than enough to be thankful. So, ya, thanks, Ba.

Am hopefully going to play badminton with The Peeps tomorrow. =)

Things I Must Accomplish During the Holidays

1. Gather all articles and such for Imtiyaz newsletter. Edit, arrange, and send in. Dateline: 16th.
2. Draw 30+ pages of illustrations for the class' YEScom team. Dateline: ASAP.
3. Maths TYS homework, units 4 5 6 7. Dateline: 23rd.

And I can only do them when I'm free, because even I have plans. KL trip, badminton, BBQ Class Date and classes on 16 17 18 19 20 21 June (which really means that school starts on the 16th for us Sec 4s. Throw us some pity here).

<>
typical academic year for a student:
> >
> > 1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year. You know how Sundays are for rest.
> > Days left: 313.
> >
> >
> > 2. School holidays - 50 days, where weather is very hot, making it difficult to study.
> > Days left: 263.
> >
> >
> > 3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.
> > Days left: 141.
> >
> >
> > 4. 1 hour for daily playing (good for health) - 15 days.
> > Days left: 126.
> >
> >
> > 5. 2 hours daily for food and such (chewing properly & swallowing) - 30 days.
> > Days left: 96.
> >
> >
> > 6. 1 hour for talking (Man is a social creature) - 15 days.
> > Days left: 81.
> >
> >
> > 7. Exam days - at least 35 days.
> > Days left: 46.
> >
> >
> > 8. Quarterly, half yearly and annual holidays/festivals - 40 days.
> > Days left: 6.
> >
> >
> > 9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
> > Days left: 3
> >
> >
> > 10. Movies and functions: at least 2 days.
> > Days left: 1
> >
> >
> > 11. That 1 day is your birthday.
> > How can you study on that day ?!?!?!?!?!
> >
> > Balance = 0

> > ' How can a student pass ?????'

Seventeen

2008-05-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

Jaa, bums and thighs, I took my Malay O ' Levels Paper 1 and 2. It was ok lah ... could've been worse.

I osso got my record book yesterday.
Was it good?
Well, it depends on how you look at it.
If you look at it marks-wise, each subject individually - um, no good.
If you look at it aggregate-wise - hm, not so bad.

And we should always look at the positive side of things, right?
So my results weren't too bad lah. Not too good either.
What can I say? I lack drive.
I'm immature enough to not care about my marks.

I'm baaaaaaad that way.

I also went to a field trip yesterday.
And got thouroughly SOAKED on my way back.
'Cause a car driving past decided I needed a bath and showered me with brown puddle water. Like, from head to toe soaked. Can you blame me for swearing loudly? I think I alarmed the other bus-stop peeps. Sorry, I know I'm not being a good Madrasah model, and I wish I had said 'astaghfirullah' instead, but I think my act of swearing was kinda justified. You should've been there!

For some weird reason, I wasn't too pissed. Being wet through and through reminded me of the old days when we walked in the rain on our way home from school. True, being wet then was voluntary, and it was beautiful, clean (though Al-vehn would disagree) rainwater instead of some shitty brown water. But the situation was pretty similar. That calmed me down. Also the fact that, because I was standing at the frontmost part of the bus stop, the peeps standing beside me were mostly spared. Made me feel a little bit like a hero. =T

Sixteen

2008-05-26T00:11:00.000-07:00

BECOZZZZZ

The song is beautiful.
And you know how I adore Switchfoot. They're brilliant.

Also.
Because I've trying to get my idik sisters to listen. But do they?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Fifteen

2008-05-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

It's a sunny yellow banana day

Do the cowgoat dance banana way

Shanana banana, come on and groove!

Do the yellow nana poo!

This may very well be the last post that I am typing out this year.

Not that I always post every day - heck, there are only 15 posts since the time when I first set this blog up 2 years ago - but pretend with me here.

The reason? My goofball sisters. I took their report books home from school today and my parents totally freaked. Well, more like my dad freaked, my mum just went along. They're always like that, this incredible duo act, where one is the good cop and one is the bad one. It's interesting really. I think it's the basis of all good, strong relationships - having this kind of balance and working with one another in order to fry and murder your children. But I'm digressing here. Where was I? Oh yeah.

So my parents were freaking out, which I don't really get because I didn't think it was all that bad, but our standards aren't the same (heck, my mum still insists I clean my pigsty of a room, and I STILL can't figure out what it is I'm supposed to clean). They basically told us that we can''t play the computer anymore because, really, we don't deserve it.

Normally I'd be raging about injustice and necessary evils (emphasis on 'evil' here) at this point, but I am inclined to agree with them. Firstly because we really don't deserve it; second, because further pursue of any argument would result in loss of books privileges and KL trips; and lastly, because the punishment is going to come sooner or later anyway - specifically, after Wednesday, when Loi and I receive our own report books. Of course, I'd rather have it later than sooner, but oh well. You get what you get (DUH, Ms Philosopher).

Adieu, suckers!!

Fourteen

2008-05-22T02:42:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling much much better and, I hope, much much wiser. Thanks you guys.

Here's a thinker for you:

If you fail to plan,
Then you plan to fail.
But if you planned to fail,
Then how could you have failed to plan?
And since you're plan was to fail and you do eventually fail in the end,
Then doesn't that mean that you didn't fail to plan?

Ok! Moving on.

Went to the library again today. I realised that I unconsciously have certain criteria when it comes to picking out the books that I have:

(1) Preferably no faces on the cover of the book. I'm not quite sure why, but it turns me off. I think books with faces on their covers tend to have this certain style about them in terms of their plot and writing (With the exception of Jude). But that's just from my own experience.

(2) Books should have titles with proper spelling (such as Girl Power instead of Gurl Powerz!!). Books like Physik and Flyte are acceptable because the misspelling is intentional - the books are fantasy books, and that's how they spell Physic and Flight in their world.

(3) The words and the spaces between them and between lines can't be too cramped. I don't care how good the story is, books with writings like that doesn't quite give me that delicious reading sensation that one would aim for. Worst-case scenario, I get a headache.

(4) High-school plots are a BIG no-no. You know what I'm talking about: clique books like Gossip Girl, Seven Deadly Sins and The It Girl; or romance books that tend to have one of either two endings: either the not-good-looking guy/girl gets the extremely-hot-and-popular guy/girl whom he/she had had a crush on since kindergarten, or the main character goes after the extremely-hot-and-popular guy/girl but in the end realises that her soul mate is actually her best friend whom she hadn't noticed all this while. Uhuh. Like I haven't heard THAT one before.

(5) All the above mentioned criteria can be ignored IF the book is written by a credible author, and by that I mean an author whose book I've read before and loved. In that case, abandon all hesitation and go for it.

And if I fail to find a satisfying book, I borrow one that I've read before in the not-too-recent past. Like I said, you can't go wrong with books that you've already read. Also, I tend to forget for the most part what happens in the book, so now I get to change that.

I have left the library very satisfied today. Smiles all around! =)

++++SPOILER+++++
** RAMBLINGS UP AHEAD **

Found out during recess today that David C won AI. Usually I don't give a damn, but this time it really bothers me because I can't get it out of my head that David A should have won. Even when people told me who the winner was, I couldn't believe them. Even NOW, now that i know that they were all saying the truth and that David C really did win, a part of me still can't believe it. It's like someone telling me that they discovered that the sun is actually a planet - I'm sure they're right and I'm sure it's the truth, but a part of me will still be insisting "But the sun is a star". I've always had this mental image that David A is the winner, and nothing anyone says can really change that. Which I find disturbing, because I'm not even a huge fan, so why should I care?

I still haven't watched the results show. I can't bring myself to, probably because seeing it with my own eyes would make the results final and real and irreversible.

Lily is crying as I speak.

God, help me, I sound like a freak.

God, help Lily, cos she IS a freak.

Speaking of God, just returned this great great book 'The Cure'. Not sure by who, heh heh. But it's really good. I wish the ending was a bit different, again because I had this mental image of what the ending should be like, but never mind. The ending was still good in it's own right. The book is about the future and how religion and all those who follow it has been eradicated. Check it out, peeps.

Right, Malay class from 8 to 1 tomorrow! Woohoo! (Of course 1 pm, you dumbo! Abeh, ape, sampai kul 1 pagi?? Tolol!)

Oh ya: my Ulcer is gone! ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

Oh ya Oh ya : check THIS out! Hahaha cute!

Thirteen

2008-05-20T01:44:00.001-07:00

I saw Su bending down to hear Zahira better as she ushers the latter to the toilet. I watched with churning emotions as Dinah headed to Mas and they walked off together, Mas listening and Dinah clearly talking in distress. I looked down and walked off past them - past a lot of people - but no one bothered to say goodbye.

I am a lot of things. Muslimah, daughter, sister, friend, student. People praise me lots of times, often incorrectly: clever, funny, creative, a fast-reader and, once, cute. But I am no one's confidante. And I have never been described as kind, or good-hearted, or understanding.

True, no one has said I'm mean or harsh or cold-hearted. But still.

There must be a reason why no one confides in me, why no one looks for me in times of need. Do I babble secrets to others? I don't think so. Maybe it's just circumstance. Maybe it just so happens that they already have other people to confide in, so I'm left with no one, like the girl in PE who has no parter because everyone else is already paired off. I think the most probable reason is because I myself don't make an effort to be a confidante (to have a friend, you have to first be a friend, right?), and even when I do, they're already taken. Is it luck? Or a result?

I guess if I'm to describe my feelings at that moment, as I walked off and left school alone - if I'm to describe my feelings in one word, it'd be .... sad. Kinda lonely-like. Made worst by the fact that there is no one to assign fault to beside circumstance, or luck, or chance, whichever you prefer. Perhaps the blame is one me and me alone. I certainly can't share the blame between me and my friends, because if I do, then there would be two people to forgive. And if I can't forgive myself, how the hell am I supposed to forgive them?

It bothered me that my prescence was not truly, I mean truly truly-truly, needed. Walking home alone had never felt so lonely in my life. It's one thing to be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely (that's happened often enough). It's another to feel lonely and be literally, alone.

The thought of not being a confidante still bothers me, but I'm not feeling as down as I was this evening - thankfully, I am typing all this down and still feeling okay. I'm gonna post this and see what happens. I may be embarrassed by this whole emo episode by tomorrow, but we'll see. If I do feel embarrassed, I'm taking this down but not out (nananana). This is something worth recalling.

I'm cool.
'Cos I got the cures for the blues.

Cures for the Blues
(not in any order, and not stating the obvious such as Quraan and family. Like, DUH)

1. Psych
2. Spongebob
3. Foxtrot
4. Ellen
5. Jason Mraz