a hundred and thirteen

I got invited by my friends today to join InterMad in the track-and-field. I am, of course, sorely tempted. But to be honest, I don't think I should. I'm juggling so much already. I'd love to join them and run once in a while, but I don't think I can add practice and tournament to my long-enough list of things that I have to do. I deserve a little time reserved just for myself.

Interesting thing: I was walking home today when I was suddenly hit by the realisation that I could die at any moment. Like, really die. I know we're all aware of our mortality, and believe that we should 'live life to the fullest'. But I don't think we truly, truly get it. Well, I know I didn't, until this evening. I suddenly felt very very vulnerable. I don't know about other people, but sudden morbid thoughts freak me out.

I have this belief you see: everything that God gives, he gives in balance. If He gives you something really good, something bad will soon come along. And if you just got something really bad, then good things will be sent your way soon after. Whatever we're having now, we'll quickly get the opposite. I suspect that it's His way of keeping us all in perspective, and on our toes. He giveth, and He taketh awayeth, right?

So, recently I've been feeling really alive. It's why I feel like doing more new things, and walking and running more. All the stress that I've been facing the last few months just made me more aware of things in general. Now I feel like I can accomplish anything; now I feel like I'm ready to take on anything anyone throws at me. Like I said: I feel really really alive. Which, if you will recall my previous belief, worries me. Because as far as I know, there's only one opposite to being alive.

He giveth, and He taketh awayeth.

All the way home I found myself looking out more things that could kill me.
Do you realise that there are so many ways we can die?
I don't know what to do with myself.